DR. WALLACE: When I was 6, my parents divorced and I went to live with my grandparents, who live on their farm. I am now 14, so I have lived with my grandparents for over eight years and I have grown to love them very much. I also love being on the farm. I have my own pet animals and I'm active in the 4-H Club at school. My grandmother is more a mother to me than my real mom.

About a month ago, my mother got married and now wants me to come live with her and my stepfather in Chicago. I don't want to. My mother is almost a stranger to me now, and her new husband really is a stranger.

I enjoy the school I go to and I have a lot of friends. I don't want to lose all this and start out new in Chicago. I'm sure my mother loves me and wants to make up for all the time we've been separated, but I'm not a child anymore. I'm a young lady, and it's too late for her to capture my younger years.

My mother said it was my decision and she will respect whatever I decide. My grandparents also say' it's up to me to make a choice. Would I be considered selfish if I didn't move in with my mother? I know she really wants me to. — Nameless, Dyer, Ind.

NAMELESS: Stay with your grandparents, but at every opportunity, spend time with your mother and keep that relationship honest and loving. If the time ever comes when you would prefer to move in with your mother, do it. Your grandparents will understand completely.

RESUME LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH DAD

DR. WALLACE: Three months ago, my mother and father got divorced. This was a terrible blow for me because my father moved out of our house, and I love him very much. Since he left he has not contacted me. I'm sure the reason is that my parents don't like each other at all.

My mother is really happy that I'm not in contact with my father. She keeps telling me he won't contact me because he doesn't love me, but I know that's not true. My father and I were real close when he lived with us. I know where my father lives and I know his telephone number. Do you think I should contact him first? My mother doesn't like this idea. I'm 15 and a sophomore in high school. — Allison, Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada.

ALLISON: I think you should call your father immediately and resume your loving and close relationship with him. Of course, mom will not be thrilled with your decision, so you should make sure you constantly tell mom that you love her and appreciate her effort to be a wonderful parent.

Be very careful not to carry stories about one parent to the other. If they want to know things about their former spouses, ask them to please not ask you, but to contact their former spouse personally.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.