DR. WALLACE: I've got a very serious problem, and I really need your advice. I make promises with family members and close friends, and then I break these promises. This has caused a lot of friction with people I love. Please tell me what I can do to stop breaking promises. Last week, my best friend told me that she was going to buy a purple sweater for her boyfriend's 17th birthday. Purple is his favorite color. She made me promise that I wouldn't tell her boyfriend because she really wanted it to be a big surprise. I didn't keep my promise. Her boyfriend and I attend the same church, and last Sunday we were talking after the services. Since his birthday was only four days away, I told him, "Happy Birthday" and he said thanks. I then said that his girlfriend had bought him a really nice gift. He then said, "I hope she didn't spend a lot of money." Then I said that she probably did because it was a really nice sweater. Well, when my best friend found out that I broke my promise, she was livid, and said our friendship is over. I'm sure we will patch things up at a later time, but before we do, I want to be positive I will never break another promise to anyone ever again. Please help me. — Nameless, Orange County, Calif.

NAMELESS: Everyone breaks a promise occasionally, but in your case it's a regular habit.

What are the consequences of a stream of broken promises?

— You annoy, anger, hurt and often alienate the people around you. Friends get angry because they counted on you and are hurt because they take the broken promise as a personal dig.

— You create constant anxiety for yourself. When you promise to do something with two different people for the same night, you may feel you've bought yourself some time to smooth out the situation. But you've also given yourself the worry of how to wriggle out of it.

It isn't easy to change this pattern of undependability. Psychologist Bernard Dunne of Smithtown, N.Y., urges that you begin trying to confront issues on the basis of how you really feel and learn to take the consequences immediately. This doesn't mean you should yawn in someone's face and tell her she's boring. It does mean thinking twice before promising to call her later in order to avoid talking to her now.

Beyond that, the solution is simply not to make any more promises that you don't fully intend to keep.

ALL HE DOES IS STARE AT ME

DR. WALLACE: I'm really attracted to a certain boy at school. I have been doing everything I can to attract his attention, but nothing works because he is very shy. I smile at him in the hall when we pass, but all he does is stare at me. Help! What should I do? Do you think that he is telling me to buzz off? — Nameless, Moline, Ill.

NAMELESS: It could be, but you'll never know unless you have a chance to talk with him. The next time you meet him face to face in the hall, walk up to him and say that you would like to know him better, and ask him to call you within a day or two. Then hand him your telephone number written clearly so he won't make a mistake when he calls you.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.