DR. WALLACE: I am a 46-year-old mother with three children, ages 16, 14 and 11 years old. I have been reading your column for quite some time now, both to keep up with teens' issues today and to confirm that my husband and I are on track with our children.

I am writing to you now to ask you to reconsider your advice to Lesley from Ames, Iowa, whose friends of many years have started drinking. When I was about her age, my two closest friends started smoking pot on a nearly daily basis. I did not choose to get high and told them so. They respected my decision and although they continued to smoke, they did not try to convince me to change my mind. Our friendship continued for many years.

Lesley has also made her decision and told her friends. If they continue to pressure her, perhaps she should stay away from them when they are drinking to show she stands by her decision, but there is no reason for her to end a relationship of such long standing. Sometimes these things die a natural death — either the friendship will die or her friends will stop their drinking. Maybe Lesley's wise decision will help them see they are wrong!

I have read in your column so many times your solid advice that parents should trust their teens until that trust is broken. It applies here, too. Her mom has to trust that her daughter is strong enough to stand by her decision and avoid stepping in unless Lesley proves her wrong.

I hope you will reconsider your advice to Lesley about finding new friends and encourage her to stand strong and perhaps see if she can play a part in reversing her friends' new course of action. — Mother, Galesburg, Ill.

MOTHER: Thanks for sharing your views with me. It's clear that you were strong enough to keep your high moral standards when you were with friends who were smoking marijuana. Many young people would have wavered in their resolve.

Peer pressure has a strong influence. Teens often take part in activities they know are wrong when they are with friends, not because of direct pressure but because they don't want to feel left out of the group. When three of your friends are drinking beer, it's easier to be accepted if you join in.

You must remember that millions of teens read this column and not all of them have the strength to refrain from smoking pot or drinking alcohol when their friends are doing it. Some activities are so dangerous you don't want to take chances. Yes, parents should trust their teens, but they should also discourage friendships with peers who engage in destructive behavior.

DO NOTHING TO CAUSE A FRIEND'S BREAKUP

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old guy who really needs your help. My best buddy is steadily dating my ex-girlfriend. It's not that he stole her from me. We broke up because I needed some space. I honestly didn't think that I loved her. But the day I found out that my buddy was dating her, I realized that I actually loved her.

What should I do? Should I tell her that I do love her and want her back? (I think that she loves me.) If I do, I'll lose my friend. I'm really confused. — Nameless, Dayton, Ohio.

NAMELESS: Do nothing to cause your best friend and your ex to end their relationship. Go out and have fun with other guy friends and do your best to date other girls.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.