Dear Family Coach: My ex-husband is the fun dad. He has every video game and exciting new product. He let's the kids use technology until their hearts are content. I've mostly come to terms with the fact that I impose more rules and cannot ever be the cool one. Recently there was a concert that he and I both had an opportunity to take the children to see. The kids refused to go with me because they said their dad would be more fun. Should I make them go with me or let them go with their dad? —Heartbroken Mom

Dear Heartbroken: You certainly have an uphill battle. It is difficult to compete with the fun dad. Kids generally don't see the value in rules when they are young. They would much rather eat Pringles and Cheetos than apples and corn. And they would stay glued to the television, iPhone or iPad for days on end. When one parent lets them have free reign, they naturally gravitate towards him or her.

Presumably, you impose rules and limits in your home because you believe those rules are necessary to raise children to become productive and good citizens. Structure, while highly undesirable to children, is actually very comforting. They may protest endlessly at your home but they probably feel a sense of control and safety that is lacking at their dad's.

As for the concert, don't pass on a chance to show them a good time. You can be fun, too. Try to loosen up. I'm not saying to go overboard, but an occasional ice cream or concert T-shirt won't hurt anyone. Sometimes it's easy to forget what it was like to be a kid, so try and remember. Ignore any attempts from your children to make you feel less than their father.

Dear Family Coach: Thankfully our girls are good kids, and we don't generally have any big issues. But my kids routinely disregard some basic household rules such as cleaning their rooms or not eating food upstairs. We ask so little of them that it really rubs me the wrong way when they ignore my wishes. I have taken my daughter's car away for the day because I found soda in her room. Am I being a dictator or am I right? — Grossed Out Mom

Dear Grossed Out: I think, deep down, you know the answer to this question. While I wouldn't go so far as to call you a dictator, you might be overdoing it a bit. The punishment for the infraction of a soda in the bedroom should be more in line with having to take the recycling out. Better yet, ban soda for a few days.

The reason this is a big deal to you is not because you hate Dr. Pepper cans in the bedroom. It's the perceived disrespect. As a parent who does a lot for her children and doesn't ask for much in return, it hurts to be disregarded. It's a personal offense. But the truth is your children don't mean to offend you. They probably just want to eat in their rooms.

Instead of demanding that the kids keep their rooms clean and eat food in the kitchen, try to explain why it is important to you. Don't yell or lecture. Talk to them about how you feel when they disregard you. Come up with a compromise, if possible. If they continue to ignore your rules, lock them in their rooms until college (kidding, kidding). Impose appropriate consequences that have been discussed in advance.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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