Dear Family Coach: On several occasions my daughter has come home from school perplexed about something the principal said on the loudspeaker about tragic anniversaries of events like the Newtown massacre or 9/11. I prefer these conversations happen with us, rather than with kids at school, or at least start with us. But I also want to shield my daughter from some of these traumatic moments. How can we handle a conversation with our child about a difficult subject when we didn't initiate it and we aren't totally sure of what has already been said? — Protecting Parents

Dear Parents: It is certainly best that parents be the ones to broach difficult topics with their children before they hear about them elsewhere. Parents have the ability to filter out information that would be overwhelming or frightening all the while providing comfort and safety. Often there is news that really doesn't impact the child, and thus could be avoided. However, there is always the possibility that some other adult or child will break the news to your child.

If your daughter does tell you that something came up, try to first find out what she already knows. Relax and don't overreact or show discomfort in discussing the topic. You want to keep the lines of communication open. It's OK to say that you are sorry she had to hear about this first from someone else, and then explain why you chose not to tell her about the incident. After that point you can decide if you want to provide any additional details. Start with simple details and progress as appropriate for the child's age.

Just because your daughter is learning of some news from others doesn't mean you should feel obligated to share everything. Feel free to decide what is not suitable. Just make certain you have created a home climate where parents and children regularly discuss the day's happenings. Go beyond "How was your day?" type of questions. Ask if there was anything that the child would like to ask or know. Periodically mention that there is no topic off the table for discussion. That way if something does come up, your daughter will feel at ease asking you about it.

Dear Family Coach: We have had the same babysitter for the past four years. Our three boys enjoy her and she does a good job with them. But she often doesn't follow my instructions for what I would like them to have for meals or for things that need to be done around the house. I would prefer to get a new babysitter but I don't want to upset the boys. What should I do? — Sick of Sitter

Dear Sick: You have to weigh your pros and cons fairly carefully. With every new employee comes uncertainty. In your mind you probably have an ideal babysitter. And she may actually exist. But she might cost more than you can afford or she can only work until 4 on Fridays (you need someone to stay until 6). Maybe a new sitter will follow your instructions to the tee but will leave the house looking like a hurricane rolled through.

Your kids will adjust even to a beloved babysitter moving on. So if you think that for whatever reason your sitter isn't right for the family anymore, feel free to let her go. But make sure that you are ready for the unknown of what the next sitter brings to the family.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.