Dear Family Coach: I have been working somewhat long hours ever since I had my son, who is now 7. I miss him terribly during the day. When I am with him I tend to spoil him a bit with treats and toys, and I still let him sleep with me at night. My friends say I am indulgent to overcompensate for being a working mother. It works for me but I don't want to ruin my son. Do I have to cut back? — Working Mom

Dear Working: I can say with absolute certainty that you are not ruining your son. You are experiencing a common side effect for working parents (especially mothers): guilt. And when moms feel guilty, they tend to do and buy stuff to soothe that guilt. You feel badly that your son maybe missed an opportunity to be with you during the day, so you give him a little extra in other ways. No big deal. If you and your son are happy with the current state of affairs that is all that matters. No one should shame you for your choices.

You have made adaptations to your family life to make your job work for your family. Some mothers take the extra time and expense to buy only organic foods. Some spend money on extra baby gadgets or go overboard at Christmas time. It really isn't anyone's business on what you choose to spend your money.

Sometimes though, when children understand that you feel guilty, they turn your guilt into their advantage. It can be difficult for guilty parents to learn to say no and follow through. If your child whines a lot and begs for stuff more than you would like, just make sure your "no" really means no. Don't give in because you are too tired to discipline, and you and your son will be just fine.

Dear Family Coach: My son recently began preschool. The transition has gone terribly. He and I both cry. Even though the teachers tell me this is normal behavior and that they can handle it, I wonder if you have any recommendations to ease this period. — Emotionally Raw Mom

Dear Raw: There are few moments more gut wrenching than the moment you leave your hysterical child at school or daycare for the first time. The two of you are used to being together. You know each other inside and out. It is impossible to see how these strangers can help him through this adjustment. The teachers don't have the emotional attachment that can get in the way of helping kids get adjusted. And not for nothing, they are probably experienced teachers who have seen this song and dance a million times.

You are bonded healthily to your son, and it hurts you to see him have discomfort. So you are probably doing and saying little subtle things that reinforce the separation anxiety. The teachers generally know how to distract kids and get them involved in the classroom as soon as possible. Most kids cry when their parents are present and quickly calm down when they leave. The longer that exit process, the more hysterical children become. I recommend making the drop-off exit as quickly as possible. Don't drag it out. Then call the school later to see how your son is doing. If he has no problems throughout the day and you stick to a quick getaway, this period will end quickly.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.