Dear Family Coach: For my granddaughter's birthday I called her, and sent her a nice card and a generous check. A week has passed, and she hasn't thanked me. No call was made, and no thank-you note was sent. I'm angry, and I feel unappreciated. I want to ask her to give the check back so I can hold it until she can be grateful for what she was given. Is that crazy? — Fed-Up Grandma

Dear Grandma: You are rightly angry. I, too, would feel unappreciated if someone close to me forgot to acknowledge a gift. However, I also think trying to retrieve the money is unwarranted and unwise.

Your granddaughter probably hasn't thanked you for a number of reasons. Maybe she was never properly taught to write a note or express appreciation for a gift. If that is the case, her parent deserves most of the blame. Maybe she is going through a rough time. It's possible that she was incredibly grateful but simultaneously preoccupied with preparing for an AP exam or college applications. Lastly, it's conceivable she thought she did say "thank you." Whatever the reason, it stinks, and you have right to be upset.

I assume you love your granddaughter very much, or you wouldn't have been so generous. Asking for your check back could potentially teach her a lesson. But more than likely it would strain your relationship further. Instead of taking the hard line, I would speak with her about your disappointment. Give her a chance to apologize for the mistake, and then move on. Teach her about taking the high road even when it's difficult. She's a kid, and she has some learning to do. Be the guiding force she needs instead of another angry adult pushing her away.

Dear Family Coach: My daughter's preschool is assigning homework every night. I think this is ridiculous. Is it OK to disregard the work or would this send a bad message about the importance of homework? — Confused

Dear Confused: Before I can answer this question, I have to pick my jaw off the floor. I cannot fathom a justification for homework in preschool. There are many functions of preschool, none of which require additional work at home. Unfortunately, more and more schools are morphing into preparatory academies for elementary school, focusing on the three Rs. However, prematurely requiring children to complete nightly homework will do more damage than good.

Young children should be exposed to words and numbers and letters. They should be taught to love stories and books. They should learn songs and colors. But they should not begin rigorous academic work. Doing so will sacrifice the other important goals of preschool, namely socialization, self-care strategies and a love of learning. Homework is such a drag, and it sucks all the joy out of the process of acquiring knowledge. Four- and 5-year-old children should be spared this agony until the last possible moment.

I would recommend speaking with your daughter's teachers. Maybe they could offer suggestions for work at home without deeming it required. I might also chat with some of the other parents to get a feel for their disposition on the work. Perhaps if there is a consensus you could approach the teachers together. Another option would be to address your concerns to the preschool director. If all fails, I'd look for a new preschool — one that allows kids to be kids for a few precious years.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.