Dear Family Coach: Our 15-year-old daughter is very concerned about her best friend. The friend is crumbling under the stress of school and extracurricular activities and appears to be suffering from severe depression. Our child tries hard to be a good friend and a shoulder to lean on, but she often feels it isn't enough. We are all concerned for this girl, as her parents don't seem to see the gravity of her depression. How can I help this friend and also help my daughter not take on too much of a burden? — Worried Mom

Dear Worried: Your letter sparked concern in me after reading the words "crumbling" and "severe depression." This girl's parents may well be loving and wonderful. But parents routinely underestimate the levels of depression in their children. I've had several experiences where, after telling a parent his or her child is struggling with depression, the response is, "What do they have to be so depressed about?" It's an understandable reaction, and one that makes no sense. Depression isn't something we turn on and off with, say, a warm day in the sun or a bad grade. It's a condition. Not merely a mood.

Teenaged angst is how we often write off troubled teens' behavior. With high school stresses and social media pressures, we expect moodiness and anxiety. Parents think it is just a phase. The issue is that for some children it isn't a phase. And depression has serious consequences if left untreated. Common clues that depression is escalating are physical changes in appearance, major shifts in sleep and eating habits and excessively harsh thoughts about oneself.

Your daughter's friend sounds like she needs help. If her parents aren't hearing her cries, get involved. Let them know what you and your daughter see. You can even talk to the friend and offer to meet together with her parents. If they don't take you seriously, contact the guidance counselor for support. Keep an eye on your daughter also to see if this friendship is causing a strain. She may need some support, too.

Dear Family Coach: My son's teacher approaches me nearly every day since he started kindergarten. She always has a negative word to say. My son is too fidgety. He is distracted. He talks to his neighbors. He doesn't follow directions. I am really frustrated because I am not in the classroom. All of the complaining is making my son hate school. What can I do to intervene? — Disheartened Mom

Dear Disheartened: What a shame that your son is getting turned off of school. Because he just started he doesn't have historical knowledge to fall back on about the joy of learning or a positive relationship with other teachers. Having a bad teacher or experience—especially this early on—can greatly affect a child's outlook on school. Hence, it is imperative that you work to address this situation.

The pressing need is for your son to feel accepted in the classroom. As the parent you should focus on having a positive attitude about school and look for mini-successes. Even if he had some issues, did he pass his spelling test? Did he make a new friend at recess? Don't allow the teacher's thumbs-up or thumbs-down to determine the mood for the rest of the day. Show your son that there is life outside of school and his experience there doesn't define him. If your son is upset about how the day went, be a listener and empathize.

Additionally, ask the teacher for a meeting to discuss how to help your son improve his behavior. Let the teacher explain what she is seeing, and ask what you can do to facilitate improvement from home. With a cooperative spirit you might work together on a common goal. However, if you feel that the teacher isn't seeing your son's strengths or is exaggerating behavior that you have never seen, ask for an observation from the school counselor. A third party might be able to mediate.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.