Dear Family Coach: My daughter is very smart and has always done well in school. She had an opportunity this year to move into the advanced honors classes but needed to get a certain GPA. She missed it by a very small margin because she handed in a few assignments late. I want to call the school to advocate on her behalf but my husband thinks we shouldn't. What do you think? — Smarty's Parents

Dear Parents: I could easily make your argument for you. Your daughter is clearly gifted, as her school record shows. She should be in an appropriate placement for her academic ability. She will probably be bored in the lower-level classes. A small mistake of not handing in an assignment or two on time should not derail her potential academic success. Truly, none of those points can be discounted. And yet ...

You should not intervene. A generation of kids is being raised without consequences. Parents regularly call coaches to get their children back on the team after missing a mandatory practice. Principals are contacted to shorten detention because parents wouldn't want their child to miss a beloved senior class trip as a result of a silly prank. The message to kids — repeated over and over again — is that there are no real penalties. Well, at least none that you can't get out of with a little finagling.

I know it's a harsh lesson, but I prefer a child miss an opportunity and feel the discomfort of the consequence to his actions. While there may be a short-term backward slide as a result, the larger picture shows a greater leap forward. I imagine your daughter will be as upset about her placement as you are. If she is truly gifted she might be motivated to do even better the next year to make up for her mistake. One thing I know: Next time, she won't forget to hand in an assignment.

Dear Family Coach: My teen told me she was at a party this weekend where some of the kids were drinking and smoking. She said she didn't partake, but I am really upset that she was exposed. I've decided to forbid her from going to parties unless it is a family shindig, and I can come too. She is furious and won't speak to me. Did I go overboard? — Cautious Dad

Dear Cautious: Good news: You're on the right track. Bad news: Yup, you overdid it. Your daughter told you something about her life with her peers. I am sure she knew you wouldn't be pleased but she still told you. That is a good sign that she trusts you and has developed a close relationship with you. Bravo.

You derailed when you freaked out. Of course it is upsetting to learn your underage child is around alcohol. But do you know what happens to the children of parents who go overboard? They stop telling their folks what's really happening in their lives. I doubt you want that.

I strongly suggest that you reconsider your actions, apologize for overreacting and praise your daughter for coming to you. Ask her how she felt at the party. Was she tempted to use, too? Were she to — hypothetically — have a drink or two, how would she get home? It is important to keep the lines of communication open so you can help her navigate when she reaches an unfamiliar and/or uncomfortable place. Over the next few years there will be many of these situations. Don't cut off the conversation before it starts.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at questions@thefamilycoach.com. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.