Dear Cheryl: I was in a long-distance relationship with Thad, whom I'd met briefly a few years earlier. We each thought the other was The One. But unfortunately, life isn't perfect, and relationships are complicated. After I went on a date with Thad, I continued to date another guy because I didn't know what would happen between us, considering the distance. I went out with this other guy three times.

Thad asked me about this and got mad at me because I lied to him about how many times I went out with the guy before he and I got serious. Honestly, I forgot the correct answer — that's how little the guy meant to me. But when Thad found out the truth, instead of confronting me about how he felt, he withdrew, put his energy into forging a stronger emotional bond with a female friend of his and ended up kissing her one night. He didn't tell me right away. It took him a month to tell me what he'd done.

Naturally, I was crushed, and we are currently on the outs. However, I'm wondering whether I can and should forgive him. I don't want to make excuses for his behavior, because if he really loved me and thought I was The One, he would have and should have handled things differently. But he says he felt guilty right after kissing his friend and has cut off all ties.

He calls me crying and says how sorry he is, and how sad and miserable he is. He says he still loves me and wants a life with me. He wants another chance to prove he'll never do this again. I believe he's sorry, but the fact that we're long-distance obviously makes fixing this a bit harder. There is a possibility that I'll move to his city (my old city) for a new job soon, though.

I keep hearing different things. Some people, including me, think that if he really loved me, he never would have cheated on me. However, other people — and I'm starting to get persuaded — say he just kissed her, and he admitted his mistake, and he is obviously really sorry.

I'm not sure what to do. What he did was so hurtful to me that I'm not sure I can get over it and give him a second chance. But we're human; we all screw up. I really love the guy, yet I'm still so hurt by this. What do you think? Should I give the guy a second chance? Or just tell him to stop trying? — Confused and Hurt

Dear Confused and Hurt: Give him a second chance if — and only if — you can truly wipe the slate clean. If you're going to punish him for the revenge kiss, in little and big ways, then forget it. It will never work.

It's almost a new year. Start it with a promise to yourself that you won't look backward — only forward.

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