Dear Cheryl: Jake and I began dating five years ago. We moved in together 18 months ago. Jake is completely different from my ex-husband. I love him and we had a wonderful relationship until a former co-worker of his (female) started sending him tons of junk mail, including porn.

He has started watching it almost daily, and it's taken a huge toll on our sex life. Sex used to be wonderful — sometimes multiple times a day, almost always different and fun. But a few months ago, it started to happen less often (about four times a week) and it's usually the same.

I don't understand why he would want to watch sex instead of having it with his willing partner. Now my self-esteem has plummeted. When we do have sex, I'm so self-conscious, I don't enjoy it.

Those who say that porn is harmless are nuts. Porn is cheating; it hurts just the same. And it's making me sick. My back is tense. I can't sleep. I feel ugly, unwanted, and unloved. I'm saving my money so that I'll be able to move out. I don't think our relationship is salvageable. — Porn Widow

Dear Porn Widow: Whoa! Slow down, lady! Don't be so quick to write off the relationship! Have a sit-down with Jake now. Don't wait till you have moving-out money. Tell him how the porn has affected your sex life and how that has affected you.

Ask him what he's willing to do about it. Would he give up the porn for you? Give him a chance before you write him off.

Dear Cheryl: Years ago, as I prepared for my workout at the YMCA, a good-looking kid, about 16 years old, asked me where the weight room was. I told him. Later, when I was taking a shower, he was there. The showers were in a room with eight showerheads and no provision for privacy. The kid chose the shower directly opposite mine. He was obviously aroused and stared at me. I turned my back to him and thought about problems at work so I wouldn't also become aroused.

While I was drying off, he stood 3 feet from me and continued to stare. Then, he followed me to the lockers and sat on a bench while I dressed. As a man who happens to be gay, the episode was very unnerving. Fortunately, I never saw him again, because I can't guarantee I'd always be capable of exercising self-control. Had I been caught in a weak moment, I could have yielded to temptation and invited the kid to go home with me, which could have resulted in serious problems. Suppose that I had yielded to temptation. Would it have been entirely my fault? Would the kid have been partly responsible? — Mostly Innocent

Dear Mostly Innocent: When an adult has sex with an underage child, it's always the adult's fault. But don't take my word for it, ask a lawyer. And the penalty for having sex with an underage person is severe. So, if you're ever tempted again, just tell yourself over and over and over again what could happen to you if you're caught. It ain't worth it.

Got a problem? Or a question? Send it to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front." COPYRIGHT 2014 CREATORS.COM

Photo credit: