When you're looking for a partner, you want someone who's happy, independent, financially secure and self-sufficient. I know, I know. That's a pretty heavy-duty list. But on the other hand, half of all marriages end in divorce. Maybe if people held out for someone who is all those things, there'd be better marriages and fewer divorces.

In my perfect world, enablers wouldn't look for a mate they could fix. Men wouldn't need to rescue the damsel in distress to make themselves feel important. Women would realize that men aren't do-it-yourself projects. They'd accept them as is or not at all.

Here are your thoughts — pros and cons.

NED: I'm a single man who has intentionally remained childless, and I prefer to date childless women because there are small but important ways in which parents who date are not quite as independent as childless people.

I know a lot of single parents who would love to find a partner whose income would allow them to focus less time and energy on work, and more time and energy on their kids.

Most single parents would find it very difficult to achieve anything like independence, financial security or self-sufficiency without short-changing their kids. Unless they have an exceptional job or phenomenal support from family and trusted friends, finding a stable and independent partner seems less likely than sliding into co-dependence with another single parent.

Sometimes I wonder whether most single parents would be better off waiting until their kids are in the last half of high school before they do much dating.

JULIA: Two single parents who marry aren't necessarily sliding into co-dependence. They could also be sharing their respective workloads. And that's something entirely different. Asking people to wait till their kids are 16 to date is unrealistic.

ELI: How many people who are "happy, independent, financially secure and self-sufficient" are looking for a partner? If you have all that going on, why would you need anyone else?

DAKOTA: It's like the price of a yacht. If you have to ask how much, then you can't afford it. If you wonder why someone who is "happy, independent, financially secure and self-sufficient" needs a partner, you're one of those people who doesn't need or want a partner. But you're in the minority. Most people want to share their life and their happiness with another.

WILL: In these times, there's no such thing as being "financially secure." People who once thought they were have been knocked to the ground.

EMILY: There's a huge difference between someone who's been laid off and is actively looking for another job and someone who's never been financially secure and never will be.

HAYDEN: I've had the same job for 25 years. I'm independent, self-sufficient and reasonably happy with what I do from day to day. But without a partner my happiness isn't complete.

I really, really think that if you compromise on this list you're asking for trouble. There are lots of people out there with these qualifications. If you haven't found a partner yet, keep looking!

Have you ever given your partner an ultimatum? What happened?

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."