The news about the Catholic Church scandal in Pennsylvania has brought the issue of child sexual abuse to the forefront of the nation's consciousness. But to the victims, it's always there.
LINSA: I was raped when I was 14 years old. I never told my parents — they were very strict, and it would have killed them — or someone else. Instead, I quit school, ran off with somebody and got married to justify the rape. It had been pounded into my head that in order to ever get married, you have to be a virgin. Since I was no longer a virgin, I felt I had to get married immediately.
I kept quiet for 47 years until one day when I was watching "Dr Phil." The show was about young women who were raped and never told anyone. That's when I realized how much the assault had damaged me. I realized then, after four failed marriages, three children and no formal education, how much harm the rape did to me psychologically. I had no confidence, no self-esteem. I trusted no one.
For years I wondered why I didn't tell my parents or call the police, anything that might have helped the situation. Even though I was just 14, I knew that something terrible had occurred. To this day, I have not sought help.
Before computers, I never knew where the rapist was living. I searched the best I knew how but to no avail. Then, last year, I was on Ancestry.com and found that he died many years ago.
CASSIE: I was abused in a very weird way for 10 years by my brother-in-law. This was back in the early '80s when no one would dare say anything about that sort of behavior. I did tell my friends (he was hitting on them, too), but it never occurred to me to tell my parents.
Most of the time he would try to kiss and grope me, but occasionally it got more intense. The worst (and most confusing and unsettling) part was that my sister condoned it, even encouraging it by saying, "Kory thinks you're really pretty," or "Kory wants to take you to lunch." During those lunches, he would corner me and put me in an uncomfortable situation. I didn't know how to say no or stick up for myself.
It finally ended when I got into a serious relationship. My sister and Kory wanted nothing to do with my boyfriend, and they refused to come to our wedding. They used the excuse that we weren't getting married in a church. I finally did tell my mother after my father passed away, and then I went into therapy.
My sister is still married to Kory, but some of their children, now intelligent adults, are finally questioning why they don't speak to anyone else in the family and why there's so much weirdness and secrecy. There are a lot of families with dark secrets. I like to think that nowadays the secrets, and the sexually predatory activity, will not be tolerated.
By the way, I have two daughters, ages 20 and 21. When I told them the story, they were flabbergasted. They cannot believe that I was so silent and allowed this to go on for so long.
What secrets is your family keeping? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."
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