Dear Cheryl,

I believe a little innocent flirting is OK even if one is married. The operative word being innocent. I'm wondering where flirting stops and "hitting on" begins. Where's the line? — I Want to Walk That Line but I Don't Want to Cross It

Dear IWTWTLBIDWTCI: Let's break this down. There's a flirter, a flirtee, and a spouse. If you're the flirter, you must be sure that the flirtee knows that you're "just kidding" and that you don't intend to act on your "kidding."

Then you have to be sure that your "kidding" is welcome, nonthreatening and nonsexual. You must also make sure that your spouse understands that your flirting in no way indicates displeasure, boredom, lack of passion or interest in her or him.

Your spouse must also be perfectly comfortable with your flirting. In other words, if he or she were standing right there while you were flirting away, your spouse would be perfectly at ease.

To me, if it doesn't meet all those tests, it isn't flirting and it isn't innocent. And I really can't think of a way a spouse would be comfortable seeing his partner flirt.

In other words, I don't think married or committed people should flirt.

Ever.

Dear Cheryl,

How far can a person in a committed relationship stretch the bounds before it's considered cheating? We all know the obvious one — having sex of any kind — but how about kissing or petting? Conversing through the Internet on a regular basis without physical contact? Putting yourself in the company of someone you find physically attractive via lunches, business meetings and business trips? Sending out signals of interest?

What about too many "coincidences"? Should one partner trust her gut that something is not right or should she trust her partner when he tells her there's nothing going on and it's "all in her head"?

I'm in this situation right now. I don't believe my partner is having sex with this woman he works with and goes on business trips with, but I do believe he's interested. I'm told that I'm loved and he's always where he's supposed to be, but this other woman seems to be around quite a bit. When confronted, he gets angry, defensive and snide. He never responds in an open, loving, helpful manner. It's to the point that I question everything he tells me.

I'm wondering if I have a suspicious nature or if I'm picking up on something. Do I trust my partner or that little voice inside that tells me all is not as it seems? — Is It Me or What?

Dear IIMOW: Having sexually charged conversations with someone other than your partner, confiding intimate details of your relationship, and getting emotional comfort are all cheating.

I don't know if your partner is cheating, but it sure sounds like he has a pretty big crush on this woman. Even if he isn't having sex with her, he's spending an awful lot of emotional energy on her. Energy that should go into his relationship with you.

He needs to come clean, with you and maybe even with himself. Is he not having sex with her yet but he hopes to in the future? If she were willing, would he be ready? Is he just enjoying the crush or is he hoping it turns into more? Something's going on. Confront him and keep in touch.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants, to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front." To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.