Andrew complains that all the women he meets are neurotic.
Says Andrew, "I'm a 46-year-old divorced guy who would love to find a nice girl. I've been set up by friends, I've met people through groups, and most recently, I spent six months on an online dating service. I seem to have met many women with, shall we say, a lot of drama in their lives."
Andrew realized there was something in him that attracted these women. "There's something in me that says 'caregiver' and 'knight in shining armor.' I tend to go for the kind of woman who needs that. Then I get to be the hero. There are all kinds of problems with this, as you can imagine."
Andrew tried to fight his Sir Lancelot tendencies by looking for a woman who needed a partner, not a caretaker. That's when he met Jill, a "successful, independent, cultured, attractive and nice" woman.
After a few weeks, he was in love, and he was sure it was mutual. "It was totally different from every other relationship." But it wasn't long before Jill began acting odd. She started sending him mixed messages, coming up with excuses, etc. "The red lights went on," he says.
And then Jill ended the relationship with a text. Andrew was down, but not out.
He had a few months left on his online dating membership, so he went on a few more dates, but his heart wasn't in it. "It was time to focus on me, so I stopped looking for Ms. Right. My life became all about me, my kids and my work. I started on a regular workout schedule, I ate healthy, and I went to movies, concerts and restaurants alone or with friends.
"Of course, I would have enjoyed having a partner for these experiences, but I discovered a different side of myself during this process. I realized that I'm a much more outgoing person now than when I'd been in my relationships. And because I put myself out there to meet new people — not romantic interests — I gained an entirely new set of friends.
"I also picked up a hobby I'd left behind years ago: writing. I joined an online writers' forum, where I met several interesting people. I wasn't on the prowl and I didn't have anybody to impress, so I was simply myself.
"After a few months, I began exchanging writing ideas with Laine. We started emailing more often, and I learned that she, too, wasn't in a relationship and wasn't looking for one.
"Soon we were emailing, texting and talking on the phone. After we determined that neither of us was psycho, we decided to meet. I flew to her city (clear across the country) and we met at the airport.
"We both had safeguards in place in the event that something went wrong (i.e. friends had our cellphone numbers), but we didn't need them. We clicked immediately.
"Laine was even funnier and smarter in person, and she was adorable. After a few more months she decided to move near me, to a place of her own. It helped that she had family here. Two years after she moved here, I proposed."
Have you been featured in "Tales"? If so, send an update.
Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."
View Comments