Today we hear from two women who did it the old-fashioned way: marriage before sex. Was it a mistake?

ANNA: I'm a Christian, and according to biblical teachings, you're supposed to remain chaste until marriage. This sounds good in theory, and this is what I did. Knowing what I know now, however, I wonder why. My husband and I abstained, and we didn't find out until after we were married that we couldn't be more opposite.

So, he's a no, and I'm a yes, and it's going to be this way for a looooong time. Now I'm back to my hunt for an engaging, challenging and satisfying hobby. Maybe I should try crocheting.

ELLIE: I've been with my husband for almost 20 years. He's my only sexual partner, and I'm his. Sex is the biggest issue in our marriage of over 12 years. When we first got together, I could never have imagined myself wanting to have an affair. But now I get why people do it. It's very hard when you do everything you can and your partner can't be bothered to have sex with you. My husband admits he's just too lazy, unless, of course, he wants it.

It's hard living like this. But I know that I wouldn't feel good about myself if I were to go looking for sex elsewhere, nevermind the mess it would make of my children's lives.

I have a former friend of three years who saw nothing wrong with meeting men through the internet and then having sex with them on a first or second date. She also had several sex buddies. Yet she could never understand why her "relationships" never lasted. She advertised that she was "easy" — her word. She would jump into bed and then use sex to try and keep the guys. But ultimately, they would leave her when a better option came along or the ex came back into the picture. Or they just disappeared for no reason.

She couldn't see that all she was to these guys was entertainment. When I suggested that maybe she should hold out for a couple months and get to know a guy, she told me that was unthinkable and that my comments were not appreciated.

This former friend encouraged me to have an affair for more than a year. She was willing to be my cover. I could tell my husband I was with her when I was really out with some man. She also told me repeatedly that if she were married to someone like my husband, she'd have cheated long ago. While we both like sex, we have very different views on what sex is. She thinks it's just a pleasurable pastime. I think it's part of a committed relationship.

It's been more than a year since our friendship ended. She's had at least a couple more unsuccessful "relationships."

I'm closing in on 13 years of marriage. Yes, it can be very frustrating. And sometimes my husband's lack of interest makes me feel low. But I've got something she doesn't. I've got a partner who's there for everything else that counts.

I'm not saying that sex doesn't count, just that it's not everything. Too much focus is put on the physical pleasures these days, and not enough on developing strong, stable relationships.

And now back to my romance novels ...

What advice do you give your friends and children about relationships? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."