Dear Cheryl: I've been involved with a man for six months. At the beginning, he made references to kissing me, though it was only after several beers. One time he gave me a quick peck on the lips, again after a few beers. But that was it. He would still call often, take me on casual dates and cook dinner for me. He usually hugged me when we met or parted.

He's definitely shy. In the last four years, he's been hurt by a relationship and has had forced job-related transfers, which seem to have undermined his confidence.

After a few months, I asked him if he was attracted to me since he hadn't tried kissing me again. First, he said I was reading too much into the relationship. Later on, he said that he didn't know what he wanted because of his relationship and job issues,. I asked if he was attracted to me, and he said he didn't know, but he thought I was pretty.

For the last three months, we've been seeing each other once, sometimes twice, a week. He's still affectionate with hugs and massages while we're watching TV. He has kissed me on the cheek a few times. I even spent the night twice, but we just slept next to each other. He says I'm his best friend.

Just this weekend he referred to me as his pal. I told him I disliked the comment because I have real feelings for him. Again he said we're just friends hanging out. I said friends don't hug. He said that being huggy was his nature.

I told him I felt led on and used. He said he never meant to lead me on. I care for him, and feel he cares for me. I have hopes of something progressing. But I still don't want to let myself count on it. Should I put some distance between us or ask him to define our relationship? — Friend or Girlfriend?

Dear Friend or Girlfriend?: I don't know how he could be any clearer, short of hiring a Goodyear blimp to fly over your house with a banner that says, "AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"

Take his word for it. He doesn't care about you romantically. Not yesterday, not today, not tomorrow. Save yourself a lot of heartache and end the friendship. Two people can't be friends when one wants more.

Dear Readers: About that Spanx Dilemma. We recently heard from New to This who is newly single after being married for many years. She had many questions about dating, including, "What do I do about Spanx shapewear when his hands start to roam?"

Well, I've thought long and hard about this. Here it goes. New to This is a mature woman, and I'm assuming she's dating mature men. Mature people have their own homes and don't have to make out on their parents' sofa or in the back seat of a car.

So, I suggest that after a few kisses, she suggest they take the action into the bedroom — her bedroom. Then she should tell him she'd like to slip into something more comfortable. Off come the Spanx, on comes something lacy, and voila! Problem solved.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."