When we heard from Lisa and Dave 12 years ago, they were endorsing togetherness — big time. They were together every minute of each and every day. Every single minute.
They met while working at the same restaurant. Then they moved in together. But that wasn't when the real togetherness started. That started six years ago, when they sold their house and all their possessions, paid off all their debts and put everything that was left in a 30-foot sailboat. They sailed out of Chicago and just kept going. They cruised the Bahamas for nearly six months.
Lisa says: "During the first nine months, we figure we were apart for about 20 minutes, excluding bathroom breaks. Dave once went to the store without me."
This was a typical 24 hours: "During the day, we'd do odds and ends, polish the brass, things like that. Then we'd fish for food — lobster, fish — we'd clean it and cook it, then we'd read by candle light, play Cribbage or Yahtzee, or practice black jack. We'd turn in early."
They had no TV or radio. And no internet.
Lisa says: "We feel this is what spending our lives together means. It's more than sharing a bed at night. It's being involved in everything together. And we don't have to worry about either of us having an affair. There's no opportunity."
She added: "We never fight. We're happy and we laugh a lot. Half of our friends think we're crazy, the other half think we have the life to kill for."
Well, that was then. This is now. Let's check in with our Togetherness Couple.
Lisa says: "We're still pretty much a 24 hour-a-day couple. Though now we play a lot more. We spend three to five months a year at our home in the Bahamas which we built ourselves — literally, our four hands, pouring concrete, putting up beams, all of it — and four to six months a year working at the same bar-restaurant in Montana. In between, we drive around the US visiting family and friends with our five-year-old dog Rover and hanging out in our condo in Phoenix.
"We still get along great, although I would have to amend the part about 'we never fight' to sometimes we don't see eye to eye. And there certainly are times that one of us needs to leave the room. Now that we have a house and cars and TV we can do that. Dave plays in his workshop and I play in the kitchen.
"We spend time together with others, or I go off with the girls for an afternoon of shopping, but I really prefer to do it with Dave. He's my favorite person to hang out with. We know each other so well, it is easy to make each other laugh. We do that a lot. Even when we argue about things, we pretty much know in advance who's going to get their way."
Couples often wonder how to keep their relationship fresh and exciting. Lisa says it's not an issue. She says: "Our relationship is more like that old, worn, incredibly comfy robe you never want to get rid of because it makes you feel so warm and safe and yummy. To me, that's perfect."
How much togetherness can you tolerate? Send your tale, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not.
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