When someone throws it all away for love, we hope for a happy ending. We don't always get it ...
Nora was married for 32 years. Her husband made good money, and they had a beautiful home and three children, but no sex life. He was an alcoholic, and Nora filed for divorce twice but never went through with it — until she met Bruce.
She says he was her "soul mate" and that meeting him felt like "a bolt of lightning." Bruce was married, too, but not living at home. They began an affair.
"The sex wasn't great — he was a drinker too — but the intimacy — the kissing and holding — were wonderful because I was starved for affection."
A year into their relationship, Bruce's wife found out and called Nora's husband. She wanted Bruce back, and Nora's husband wanted her to end the affair. "But I wanted to be with the love of my life and he said he wanted to be with me," she says.
Nora and Bruce both started divorce proceedings. Her divorce took eight months; his took five years She moved in with Bruce into a home he bought while going through his divorce. They got engaged. Actually, they got engaged three times in 14 years.
The problem, says Nora, was Bruce's wife: "She got everything in the divorce. Bruce agreed to some stupid things just to get it over with, but it never was over when it came to her control. I was never allowed to go to family functions and wasn't acknowledged by his family during the five years pre-divorce or the 10 years post-divorce. When he had his family over for Christmas, I would leave the house. I was hurt, but I wanted him to see his family."
After six years of Bruce not trying to change the situation, Nora moved out. She says: "I felt disrespected and was on an emotional roller coaster. He kept saying he should make things different but never did. Still, we were a couple. I would stay at his place from Friday to Sunday. He was included in all my family events and with my friends. My children and even my ex-husband accepted him."
Nora says their sex life died five years ago, but that was OK with her: "I still called him the love of my life. I stopped caring about his family not accepting me. But the last straw was when I saw pictures of his ex-wife sitting in our living room opening Christmas gifts with all of his family around her. I never thought that he would bring this woman into the home we shared. I felt betrayed, insulted, emotionally abused and disrespected."
Today, Nora says: "I have utter distain for Bruce. He ruined my life. In order to be with him, I gave up my husband's pension, my beautiful eight room home with a pool and landscaped gardens. I now live in a 14 x 60 foot trailer. I will die in this place. I have no financial security, I can't retire on what I could collect. I have to work till I die.
"However, I do have my self-respect, my self-esteem, and my self-confidence. I'm determined to be a self-sufficient, happy and content woman. That is my goal for 2018."
Did the "love of your life" turn out to be something less? Send your thoughts, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not.
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