Dear Cheryl: My father passed away 12 years ago. My mother took in my younger brother and his girlfriend, who was pregnant. They lived with my mother for several years.

My mom let them live rent-free, and she paid for many dinners, vacations, etc. They eventually moved within a mile of my mom and had several more kids. All along, my mom paid for restaurants, groceries, birthday parties, baby showers and Disney World vacations. She babysat and was a key person in their lives. Two years ago, my grandmother, my mom's mom, passed away.

Ever since, my brother and his wife have pulled away from my mother, because they no longer need her to babysit or drive the older kids to school. They claimed she was too negative and arrived late to babysit, didn't bring the correct dinners for their picky kids and talked about death around them. (All she said was that angels took her mother to heaven!)

My mom and I are no longer invited to the kids' birthday parties. We weren't invited to their fifth kid's christening. In fact, I've never seen the child. We no longer see them on holidays.

What makes people do these kinds of things? How can they turn their backs on their mother when she helped them during tough times? My sister-in-law has a stranglehold over my brother. What a coward he is not to explain to us why they're shutting us out. Anything you can tell me to get my mother and me through this confusing time would be very much appreciated. — In the Dark

Dear In the Dark: There may be nothing you can do. But before you write them off, call your brother and sister-in-law and invite them for coffee. Tell them there must have been some misunderstanding, but you want to move on. Tell them how much you and your mother miss their company. Tell them how much you both would like to be involved in their children's lives.

Don't come across as angry. Don't accuse them. Don't dredge up the past. Keep the focus on the future. Hopefully, they'll respond, but don't expect much.

Dear Cheryl: My wife and I have two little kids. When we come home from work, we're busy with them. There's dinner, homework, baths, stories and bed.

That leaves 90 minutes or so to straighten up, do laundry and catch a little TV. By that time my wife is exhausted, so nighttime sex is rare. Sex before work is what I call "zombie sex."

Making dates is out of the question, and planning special weekends seems unnecessary. I know that busy people are making time for sex. I'd just like to know just how they're doing it. — Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: Why are "dates" out? What's wrong with planning special weekends? Why not hire a babysitter on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon to take the kids to a movie? What about getting the in-laws to take the kids for a weekend? Or trading off with another couple?

In other words, what's wrong with scheduling sex? You schedule everything else. I know it's not spontaneous, but non-spontaneous sex is better than no sex at all, isn't it? And sex leads to more sex.

Don't let your frustration build, and don't get into a sexless marriage. You'll both regret it.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

Photo credit: Jim Larrison