We just met Jodi, who found herself disappearing in her marriage to Adam ...

She says: "My life consisted of work and him. I worked a lot of hours and when I wasn't working, I had to spend all my time with him. I had no time to myself, no opportunities for activities I might enjoy, no time to make friends outside of work. But hey, the next step was to save up for a house, and the next step after that was kids, right? I went from all work and Adam to all work, Adam and two children. I lost myself to keep the relationship."

Over the years, Jodi and Adam had both put on weight. They decided to do something about it. Jodi lost 25 pounds and felt great. "It helped with my confidence, and I started breaking out of the shell that I had been in for so long," she says. Adam lost weight, too, but it didn't seem to do anything for him emotionally. "He was just as miserable and depressed as ever," Jodi says.

For the first time in their 12 years of marriage, Jodi spent an evening with some friends from work. When she came home, she had to deal with Adam's anger and insecurity. She told him she couldn't keep living the way they had any longer. They went to counseling, separately at first so Adam could deal with his depression. Then they went to couples counseling.

She says: "I wanted to make sure I did everything I could before we made the decision to divorce. I realized I had been holding so much in over the years, so much resentment, and eventually, I unleashed it all on him. I gave him a three page letter listing all the things I was angry about. There I was sitting in the room with him and the counselor, and it was all about him, as always, and I knew that would never change. I was sitting there, listening to him talking for both of us, again. I knew I could never be myself with him and I knew it was over.

"One of the first things my long time friend from high school said to me after other side the divorce was, 'It's like I've gotten the old Jodi back.'"

Jodi and Adam have been divorced now for over two years.

She says: "I can say with certainty that at 37 I'm completely comfortable with myself. I've dipped my toes in the dating world and I'm finding that men do have fragile egos around an intelligent, professional woman. But I will not make myself less to get a man. I lost myself for too many years to take a step back like that.

"I tell any young woman I come in contact with that she shouldn't even think about marriage until she's at least 28 years old. She needs to give herself a chance to find out who she is and become comfortable in her own skin."

Everybody changes. Have you and your partner managed to change in the same direction, or have the changes pulled you apart? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not.