I Knew it Was Over ...

By Cheryl Lavin

February 8, 2014 3 min read

I just read a survey that said that 22 percent of people have been dumped on Valentine's Day. Does Hallmark make a card that says, "Roses are red/Violets are blue/Happy Valentine's Day/I'm over you"?

Here are some of the other ways you've learned it was over. When ...

— He started taking the dog for long walks at night. After showering.

— Nick Newman on "Y and R" was more important to her than I was, even on vacation.

— I had to sit alone in the back seat of the car on the way to our wedding. He and his dad rode in the front.

— She went outside to pick up the newspaper and left the sports section in the driveway.

— I pulled into the garage and was glad his car wasn't there.

— I won a free trip to Hawaii for two, and he said, "Why don't you take your mother?" I knew it was really over when I realized it was a great idea.

— She took her clothes to the cleaners and never asked me if I had anything that needed to go.

— I drove 30 minutes from the suburbs to deliver some leftovers to my poor, overworked medical-student boyfriend, and when he saw me he said, "Oh. Do you want to come in?"

— I found his old girlfriend's new phone number on his kitchen counter.

— She stopped closing the bathroom door.

— His idea of Saturday afternoon was me watching him wash and wax his car.

— She started talking nicely about her ex-husband.

— During square-dance class, his eyes went flat and dead when he danced with me, but lit up and sparkled when he danced with someone else.

— My key didn't fit in the lock.

— I told him, "I've heard that joke."

— She asked me how I felt about people with herpes.

— I looked at him and thought, "God, are you fat!"

— She fell asleep during a porno flick.

— I stopped faking it and he didn't notice.

— I stopped holding in my stomach.

— I finally told him what I like during sex, and he still didn't do it.

— She beat me at arm wrestling.

— He watched me move a dresser by myself and didn't budge. I was five months pregnant.

— Her son asked me if he could call me Daddy.

— She asked me if she could leave a few things at my apartment.

— She started wearing flannel pajamas to bed."

— I opened the mail and there were divorce papers from my husband."

— I heard a message on her answering machine from a man asking, 'Have you told him yet?' "

"I knew it was over when ... " Fill in the blank and send it, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.

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