Should Sperm Donors Get Off SCOT Free?, by Cheryl Lavin

We recently heard from a 41, single, pregnant woman.

She'd been dumped by her boyfriend, a man she thought she'd marry. The break-up was so devastating, she went into therapy. But he wasn't the baby's father. That was a former colleague.

They'd had a one-night stand. When she told him she was pregnant, they made plans to meet, but he stood her up three times. Since then, he's changed his email address. She doesn't know where he lives. She doesn't want to call him again. She's waiting for him to contact her.

She wondered if she was doing the right thing by not being friends with her ex-boyfriend and not chasing down the baby's father. She said she was "still struggling to come to terms with these two episodes of rejection."

I tried to tell her, gently, that all her energy had to go into her baby, not her ex-boyfriends. "Have your lawyer contact the father immediately. You can't put this off because you don't like feeling rejected. Every decision you make has to be based on what's best for your child."

Here's what you had to say ...

HANK: She needs to be slapped until she gets a clue. She got pregnant from a one-night stand? How on earth do you get to be her age and not know how to use birth control? Explanation: She wanted to get knocked up so the guy would have to send her a check every month. The guy took off. You'd be hard pressed to find many men who don't sympathize with him. This should serve as yet another warning to men to either use a condom or get a vasectomy.

DEANNA: She's a slut who got knocked up out-of-wedlock and realizes she made a big mistake. The baby is the one who will suffer the most. It's unlikely the out-of-wedlock father will ever be seen again.

ALLISON: I was in a similar situation years ago. While I told the father, I assured him that I took full responsibility and would not ask for a penny. He felt some responsibility, and helped for a bit, but financially I was on my own, and I accepted it.

By doing that, I gave our daughter (now a 33-year-old strong, self-supporting professional) so much more than child-support payments could have. Her dad stayed in her life, and they now have a wonderful relationship. It's not always about the money, but about integrity.

TRISHA: I was in the same situation, though I was very young. She shouldn't expect a marital commitment from this man, but she has the right to ask for child support and health information. If he's a real man, he will take responsibility for his actions. Also, she should ask the baby's father if he would like to keep tabs with the baby. Does he want pictures? Would he like to visit? Her emphasis must be the child. If that means hunting the father down till the end of his days, she should do it.

Men are you paying child support payments for a one-night stand? How do you feel about it? Send your thoughts along with your questions and problems to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com.

Photo credit: Quinn Dombrowski