Q: How can I break the habit of letting our son sleep in our bed on weekends?

A: I've been asked the question about children cosleeping with parents in many different ways and at many different ages. The response may differ quite a lot, depending on the ages of the children and circumstances.

In general, my position is that children are quite capable of sleeping independently and that there's no reason for them to sleep regularly with parents at any age. Parents are entitled to adult intimacy and a good night's sleep, and children are entitled to feel brave and independent. But an occasional thunderstorm or exception for almost any reason won't harm children and can be fun or comforting, depending on the situation.

I don't know your son's age, but seeing as he's only in your bed on weekends now, regardless of age, you can simply explain to him that because he is growing up, he should sleep on his own and be more independent. You can assure him that he can join you once in a while if he has a bad dream or if a thunderstorm awakens him. You could even enjoy a Sunday morning breakfast in bed together.

You and his other parent must be absolutely firm about discontinuing his sleeping with you and explain that he will have to knock on the door, make his request and hear from you or his dad that he can join you before he does. If he wanders in again uninvited during the weekend, you will need to escort him back to his own bed. You may wish to lock your own door for a night or so until he understands you mean what you told him. Actually, it is unlikely you will have to do that or that it will be difficult if you are absolutely firm. Parents are often surprised that their children accept "no" stated with finality, but they typically do.

If kids prefer sharing a room with a sibling because they're lonely at night, sometimes it works as a reasonable alternative to sleeping with parents, provided the sibling is open to that invitation. Many children have fears at night, but as they mature, the ghosts seem to disappear and they become braver.

Let me assure you that it is easier than you assume to insist that a child is mature enough to sleep on his own. Once that rule is established, inviting an occasional exception works well to make that sharing the bed into a special once-in-a-while party.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.