Q: My son is 7 years old and really gives up easily, both in home tasks and at school. He also avoids competition unless he is sure he will win. What are some good ways to foster grit and tenacity in children that do not lead to arrogance?

A: It's no shock to anyone that having a good work ethic helps children succeed, nor is it surprising that children do not automatically learn to work hard. Most young children don't persevere at very much at first, but with time and opportunity they can gradually learn to work hard. At age seven, your son can surely begin to learn to persevere, but it is a gradual process.

The best way to start teaching him perseverance is in a work partnership with you. Planting a garden, shoveling snow, building model airplanes or rockets, painting a room or washing a car are all good starter projects where he can learn to persevere and finish a challenging job with his father or mother working at his side. These projects can also help him to set reasonably high expectations for himself. If he wants to stop too soon or starts playing around and is not on task, remind him you are a team in this project and you need his help. Take a break, have a snack or drink together, joke around a bit, and then return to work. He will soon be proud of himself and build confidence in his ability to complete a challenging job. After a few positive experiences, he may be ready to take on a few projects on his own and he will have developed a persona as a hard worker who does not quit, and that's what grit is all about.

In regards to competition, you can encourage him best by urging him to join a sports team to make good friends and develop his athletic ability. You can even tell him that while he may not be very good at the sport, he is likely to improve while he is playing. If you assure him "he will be great" or he will be "the best" once he learns the sport or activity, he is actually less likely to try because your note of high confidence sets too high of expectations for him and will cause him to feel pressured.

You can also remind him to become a team player. The guy who kicks the ball to the person on the team who scores the goal is just as important as the one who scores. Teaching him the rules of good sportsmanship should also prevent bragging and arrogance.

Your son is only seven — don't expect rapid improvement. With time, as well as your patience and perseverance, he too will learn to win, lose, persevere and develop both grit and humility.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.