Q: My boy and girl twins are 3 years old. Recently, we've had an uptick in tantrum behaviors. At home, we just ignore their tantrums, and when they calm down, we talk about the issue they were upset about. Our bigger problem is when either of them has a tantrum in public. We're not sure how to deal with it. Any suggestions?

A: Almost every parent remembers at least one embarrassing public moment when a child lost control in a supermarket or department store. Most customers won't look too aghast, because they recall a similar happenstance, but there's always someone who will comment in a way that makes you feel like a horrible parent of a terrible child. At least you know that you're not alone with the problem, but with twins, you might say that you're doubly at risk.

Ignoring the tantrum or timeouts work well for in-home tantrums. Brief talks can later clarify problems. Too much talk too soon after the temper tantrum or even too much hugging close to the tantrum time has the risk of reinforcing and encouraging more tantrums. That may not be the issue for you, except that you mention that there's been an "uptick" in them lately. If tantrums are increasing, you'll need to check to see whether the children are unconsciously finding that tantrums bring them parental attention.

For the supermarket variety of meltdowns, planning ahead works. You can say that Mommy or Daddy needs their help while shopping or visiting and give them some tasks, such as helping you to locate the apple or cereal aisle. They're probably sitting in the cart, but at least they can pay attention to looking around for things. You can also promise them a very small prize or sticker when they've managed to be good helpers and not cause any problems when shopping or visiting friends. Obviously, all of the preventive, plan-ahead options are more difficult with two, so if you can manage to take one at a time shopping (giving them turns), it does help. They should also know that if they have a tantrum in a store, they lose the next store visit, although that might be easier said than done. If you threaten, you must follow through for it to be effective.

As with all siblings, there are both love and competition with twins, so don't despair. Although you may need to do some mediation with very young twins, as soon as possible, encourage them to try to work out their own problems, and praise them for sharing and using their words to talk things over and work things out. When words become shouting or hands become hitting, a brief time away from each other without searching for the culprit is the best solution for settling things. They eventually recognize that if they want to play together, they will need to try to resolve their conflicts peacefully.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.