Q: Any tips for helping my gifted son, who is in seventh grade, handle group projects more effectively?

A: Working in school groups is practice for life, so it's important that your son learn the skill of doing just that. He may have had a few bad experiences that soured him on group work, so you will need to ask him for more information about his reasons. For example, if he was grouped with children who didn't do their part or with someone who wanted to dictate to the rest of the group, those experiences could have been difficult.

If your son has good social skills with some friends and they work on some projects using Legos or building forts together, you can use those as examples of positive group experiences. Then you can together dissect what may have gone wrong for him in the groups that didn't go well. You can also problem-solve about how he could make the experience better in the future.

Sometimes teachers don't group children well, and that can lead to problems. Once you have analyzed your son's problem, you can determine whether his groupings have been suitable for the projects he's worked on. You or he could ask the teacher whether he can be grouped with students he enjoys working with at least some of the time. You could also give your son some tips on learning to work with those he prefers not to work with some of the time. These experiences can happen in real life, as well.

There may be particular projects in which he can have the choice to work individually or in a group if he learns to assertively make the request. If he is fearful about speaking up, as he may be at this age, you could either write a note to his teacher or, better yet, ask for a brief time when you could conference with the teacher to understand his complaints better. Do be careful not to reinforce the idea that he is not capable of working with groups, because if he feels that way, you will definitely want to help him change that belief.

Snuggling Is Appropriate for 10-Year-Olds

Q: My friend is a foster parent and cared for a boy for about a year and a half until he was adopted. My friend was very fond of the boy and made arrangements with his legal parents for the boy to visit her on long holiday weekends. Prior to his adoption, she snuggled with him so he could fall asleep. The boy is now 10, and she still snuggles with him but is questioning whether this is appropriate now that he is older.

A: Your foster parent friend had a very special relationship with this boy. How nice it is for her to maintain a close and warm relationship with him. Age 10 is not too old for a mom to snuggle with a child. If the foster mom and the boy still lived together, I would tell the mom that it's a bad habit to snuggle with him until he falls asleep. A 10-year-old should be able to fall asleep on his own. But seeing as he is only around for an occasional weekend, I see no harm, only charm, in their snuggling unless the adopted mother has some objection. His adopted mother, however, should not get him into the habit of needing to be snuggled until he falls asleep. However, a warm but brief snuggle and an "I love you" at bedtime works well, even when kids are teens.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.