Q: My brother, who is a married father of four children, recently sought my advice in dealing with his wife, who for some unknown reason is allowing their youngest daughter to become much heavier than what is considered healthy for a typical 7-year-old. From what I can see, they all live in a stable household and the three older children appear to be fit and healthy. I recently saw my young niece after not seeing her for a few months and was shocked at how heavy she has become. Her appearance is not cute, and I would be amazed if she is not a target of ridicule at school.

My brother's wife seems very loving to all her children, but is clearly enabling this little girl to eat whatever she chooses and we don't understand why. My brother works second shift and cannot monitor what his children do or eat after school or during the evenings. The older siblings tell him that their little sister will eat a bag of chips or a package of cookies in an hour and their mother either does not notice or makes no move to stop her. My brother's three other children are much older than my little niece, and are all teenagers.

This strange parenting behavior honestly makes me wonder if there is something going on with my sister-in-law that no one knows about. I am at a loss as to how I can help my brother make his wife understand the great harm she is causing their daughter.

A: Obesity and the junk food eating are serious problems. The fact that that your sister-in-law seems to be guiding their three older children well is encouraging. The youngest child may have a genetic disposition toward becoming overweight, but could also be feeling considerable pressure to keep up with her older siblings. It is impossible for me to conclude with any certainty about family dynamics that I cannot observe.

Two issues, however, are very clear. No child needs continual junk food, and obesity causes both severe emotional and health problems. As a sister-in-law, you will need to be careful not to encourage conflict between your brother and his wife by saying anything negative about her. No doubt your brother feels helpless, but I can suggest two very helpful simple interventions. There are many articles on my website you could download to share with your brother that may be of assistance to both him and his wife. He should also suggest to his wife that she make an appointment with a nutritionist to guide her daughter's eating to avoid obesity.

"Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children" is a book I wrote that summarizes research on the problems encountered by children who coped with being overweight. An article about these research findings is also available on my website. Overweight children are often taunted by both peers and even authoritative adults. They easily lose confidence, feel lonely and turn to food as an escape. They also often avoid healthy exercise. A nutritionist, as an objective outsider, could provide the exact advice needed in a manner that could guide this mother to providing healthier eating for her whole family.

For free newsletters/articles entitled Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children, The Effects of Sibling Competition, and/or Good Family Relationships, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Cory Doctorow