Q: I am a middle school student from Missouri and am researching perfectionism, which is "perfect" for me because to some extent, I am a perfectionist. While I was researching, I came across your name and was wondering if you could help answer some of my questions. I think of my perfectionist tendencies as a part of me, but teachers also tell my parents that I am a perfectionist and they say it in a negative way. Should I try to stop or control my "perfectionism," or should I just keep doing what I am doing?

If you could give me any information about perfectionism, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

A: Let me assure you first that there's nothing wrong with doing your best and striving for excellence, but perfectionism can be a serious problem. Perfectionists not only strive for accomplishment, but they sometimes avoid challenging work unless they're confident they can get an "A" or be the best in the classroom. Perfectionists can be very hard on themselves and can even get depressed when they make mistakes. Some perfectionists procrastinate in starting projects for fear that their ideas won't be perfect enough. Perfectionism can get in the way of creative risk-taking.

Excellent students are at risk for becoming perfectionistic, because they become so accustomed to getting all "A"s that they fear what parents or others may say if they don't. They actually may over-study in fear of making a mistake. All this may cause them to feel anxious and expect too much of themselves. They not only feel pressure, but also sometimes, blame this pressure they feel on their parents and teachers.

Now that I've told you about all the problems perfectionism can cause, let me assure you that none of these problems may be yours or what your teacher is talking about. Perhaps she is concerned that you are putting yourself under too much pressure. Working hard is important to achieving to your potential, so please don't take this description as meaning you shouldn't put forth effort. Hopefully, my message will communicate to you that you can take on challenge even if you're afraid you might make mistakes. We all learn from our mistakes and these lessons learned are clear indicators that we're doing hard things. Be sure that you don't think you're "dumb" just because something is difficult. Think instead that this may take more effort than you have had to make in the past, and that other students are also probably struggling. If you can feel good about yourself when you've done your best rather than only feeling satisfied when you've earned the best grade, it will help you to find fulfillment in your work.

For free newsletters about pressures bright children feel and/or perfectionism, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.