DEAR SUSAN: How do you have an active sex life if you're not in a relationship? You bed-hop? I thought you said having sex without meaning makes you lonely. If love is caring in action, as you say, then how can an active sex life turn into love? You said it couldn't. Remember? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The only sex that's worth remembering happens between two lovers in the framework of a loving relationship.

Yes, I said that meaningless rutting brings regrets and deep loneliness, so the obvious strategy would be to build an interesting life, which — besides making it fun to be part of — will raise the odds of meeting someone delicious. Which, by the way, would seem to be the integral component of an active sex life. Between the two of us, I fail to understand how you can discuss sex — the good kind — when the must-have component is still only chatter. Explain that, friend.

DEAR SUSAN: "Your beloved is a catalyst," you wrote. That's pretty good. The act of loving does reconnect you with your ability to love. And that's worth searching for. To love and be loved is what life is about. But I guess I've been looking in "all the wrong places." Wish I knew where the right ones are. Are you talking about inward or outward places — inward being myself and outward being everyday places, such as events and places of interest to me. Two is better than one. It takes two to really fill you up — for example, holding hands or going for a walk together. Another person magnifies what one could do on his or her own. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Your words longingly describe the fullness of love partnership, but it's self-inquiry that can make it happen. All the answers are there, inside, in your deepest memories and thoughts, stored year after year, buried by time but still accessible for the insights that will solve the puzzles in your life. A seasoned therapist can be your guide on the journey, a friend who helps you look at the people and the experiences that imprint your life today. Those aha moments are valuable beyond measure, supplying answers to questions that have lacked answers for too long. Curious to know more about therapy? Your family physician can be your starting point.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.