DEAR SUSAN: Through a dating site, I met an attractive woman in a restaurant. And before we even had finished dinner, she suggested going across the street and getting a room. (There were others, too, women I met online who were really hungry to be with a man.) In this case, though, I was flabbergasted and almost paralyzed because I really didn't know what to do. I guess not going across the street was the wrong choice. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Curiouser and curiouser. Some choices don't register on one's moral compass until after the event; this seems to be one of those. Still, you didn't let the delay push you into a decision you'd probably have regretted later on. Instinct — or panic — instantly put a kibosh on the idea. But was it a wrong choice? Could first-night sex have grown into something more? You'll never know — and neither will we! This is a conundrum with too many suppositions and no timeline. (Except you probably missed dessert!) So many questions without answers: Was first-night sex a regular event for her, or was she signaling real interest in you? Again, the truth is up for grabs. But you did make the choice not to take a room, which probably ended the relationship then and there. My question to you: How did you feel later that night, pajamas on, creeping alone into your bed? Sad for what might have been? Sorry for yourself? Sorry for the woman? Regretful for not taking the room? Only you can make the momentous right-wrong decision. Over and out.

DEAR READERS: Barbara Lee, author of the book "Sacred Sex: Replacing the Marriage Ethic With a Sexual Ethic" and well-known adviser on making healthy sexual choices, says we must ask ourselves some important questions before we decide to share our bed:

—Do I really want to do this? Never do anything you don't want to do or aren't comfortable with.

—How do I feel about myself right now? If you are looking to the other person for validation and acceptance, you're setting yourself up to be hurt.

—How do I feel about my partner? It's important that you and your partner have the same expectations from the event and the same understanding of your relationship.

—Is my partner my equal? Having sex with someone who has more or less power than you have leads to a much higher risk that one of you will be taken advantage of.

—Am I being responsible? You must be sure to take the necessary precautions not to spread sexually transmitted diseases or produce an unintended pregnancy. Besides, you'll relax and enjoy yourself more if you aren't worried about the odds.

—Am I just as interested in my partner's pleasure as my own? Sexual intimacy is a gift you give and a gift you receive. When you share your real needs, desires and responses with each other, sex is self-liberating and other-enriching.

—Will what I am doing bring me joy? Sex is meant to be a joyous celebration, without feelings of guilt or remorse. You should never do anything that violates your own values or beliefs. If what you are about to do will make you feel bad about yourself, don't do it. Sexual activity is always your choice.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.