DEAR SUSAN: Male-bashing is not an easy problem to solve. Like many of your readers, I've been buffeted by many of life's ills, and in my line of work (headquarters for my work is the J. Edgar Hoover Building), I find myself muscling through interaction problems on all levels. As a society, we are creating a number of people who come from bad homes (with baggage), have limited interaction and problem-solving skills (retained baggage), and have relatively little knowledge about themselves (unable to address their baggage). But for me, finding my own center is what works. That means knowing yourself and not allowing yourself to be influenced by transient external factors. It takes a lot of work. But that has helped me get through each day, month and year with satisfaction, dignity and wholeness. I may sound like someone restating your core advice, but actually, it's from a wise old man who lives that advice every day. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Words are extraneous when sound thinking comes on the scene. Your life and your work seem to be in perfect harmony, not an easy feat to bring off, and I am more than proud that you are an active member of the "Single File" community. We can all use the advice you've gleaned over the years. All we can do — the best we can do — is to plant ourselves in the good earth to offer kindness and sustenance to our fellow men. A solid sense of self is an absolute necessity as a ballast in this ever-shifting world. How to develop and retain it is the puzzlement! I suggest a curriculum that includes life skills and partnership. It takes most of us half our lives to even be aware of these lacks; by then, we have children and (often) a broken marriage. (Deep, sincere sigh.) In our schools, too much darn time is spent in study hall and recess — if you get my drift. Comments?

DEAR SUSAN: Fairness is an obsession with me, which is the reason Mr. X, a fellow blogger on Susan's blog, cut me to the quick. I try to maintain a veneer of patience here, except when I dislike someone, and it's cute how hard I try to cut them down, venting hostility while trying to maintain a veneer of civilized patience — even if I have to drag up ancient correspondence to do it. This "Single File" blog is really my kingdom, and it's a bit of a one-way street. My "fairness" is buffet-style; I choose only what suits my taste that day. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: I guess that by now, you've intuited how much I love this blog. Out from under deadlines and editors' intrusions, this advice columnist can let go of formality and read what my readers are really saying — to one another. That's really the deepest dimension of the hotline between them and yours truly, no? But what they tell me isn't always the same thing they tell one another! Sometimes they'll hide the cold truth from me — and themselves. But confiding in one another's ear, well, that could be another story. The one that sounds better may or may not be the lowdown. And the truth bends with time, such that looking back on an event gives it a bit more glamour — or a lot more of the tinsel stuff, all shiny and pretty — and hides all sorts of things. But in the main, most of us try to tell it like it is. Or was. I just wish that glittery gook would get out of my baby blues.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Photo credit: pasja1000 at Pixabay