It's complicated, this single life. On your own, shunning both dependency and isolation, after a while, you adjust and learn to live in the present moment. Sleepless nights have taught you not to voyage into the future (what will be) too often and not to dwell in the past (what might have been). The fancy footwork needed to balance that triangle takes conscious effort — and gobs of discipline. Still, it's the only way to be certain your singleness is complete. In plain talk (before this concept gets tangled in its own verbiage), this is your great chance to build an interesting life for yourself.

You must think in all the tenses: staying current while honoring both the lessons of the past and your dreams for what is to come. True, we must all find our balance on that tightrope, single and married, but it's imperative that the unmarried person be more aware of their choices, since, in the final analysis, they alone are responsible for the quality of their life. And its outcome. True, none of us have a clear road map to tomorrow. All we have going for us is our gray matter and our instincts. But what we're exploring here is the possibility that those two God-given gifts — combined with awareness of the past and the present — can be more than adequate to shape a fruitful life. We all agree on the wisdom from past lessons (if we care to rehash them) and the fun of visualizing — with anticipation — what can be just over the hill.

But realistically, most of life's richness comes from being in the present moment. And, oddly, that seemingly simple task takes the most effort. There are thoughts that intrude on our clarity, jumping from one idea to the next in what Buddhism calls the "monkey mind." Those flashes of thought have a way of dampening high spirits prematurely, injecting downbeat what-ifs before the gleeful moments have a chance to live out their promise. Putting them back in their rightful places takes effort, but it broadens enjoyment of what is and adds precious time to those peak moments that keep us going forward.

That high level of being takes a strong mind and an even stronger will. Will is that aspect of our psyche that sets priorities, signaling what is worth extra effort. It creates heroes from ordinary folk, enabling them to accomplish more than they ever dreamed, shifting their ordinary strength into adrenalin-fueled overdrive. And we shift into it many times in our lifetime, most often when someone else's needs cry out. Our will is the crown jewel of our humanity because it taps into our God nature.

But before we drift into the murky depths of metaphysics, come back with me to life in the present tense. The truth is, it's all we have. (Try telling that to the bereaved, the lovelorn, the young.) Age and stage play key roles in the tenses we inhabit, which is the reason for my plea to my adored community, the unmarried. Being in the moment should be your mantra, a vow to oneself to taste — no, to savor — each waking moment, to live fully. Yes, of course honor the non-todays of your life, but always, always BE in the present moment. It seems a simple assignment, but I assure you it's anything but. The first few stabs at this mental shift will be unsettling, frustrating, annoying — to be sure — but, in the end, rewarding. So much so, in fact, that you might elect to put it into action with the very next person you meet. And if you find it working its magic, well, you might choose to bring it up in conversation with them. Who knows — you two might discover the great fun of relating in ALL the tenses!

We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks - in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

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