DEAR SUSAN: As a minister, I share your "Declaration of Undependence" with all couples whose marriage ceremonies I perform. I have read your column for years — when I was married and now that I'm not — and I realize I haven't thanked you enough for your wisdom and hard work! — Single File Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: This column is that rare place in the media where straight talk can feed the souls of both adviser and the advised. All people of good faith are welcome to partake of the dialogue here, with the exception of the disrespectful. No greater appreciation is there for me than to know my words are being passed along in the spirit they embody, to people intent on making the world a better place for their families and all people of good will. And I can't imagine a more appropriate time to introduce the concept of Undependence for both beloveds, man and wife. The Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran sends us his wisdom down through the ages:

"Love one another, but make not a bond of love;

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts,

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Could it be that the truth of Undependence has ancient roots?!

DEAR SUSAN: You asked whether soul mates exist; I'll give an email-length reply, my best shot: Everyone has a soul mate, the missing part of our soul — one's 'other half'. Recognizing him/her is intuitive knowing; recognizing one's soul mate depends on sensing the shared soul root. One should not necessarily expect to be struck with an intense feeling of predestination when meeting one's predestined spouse (soul mate), but it can possibly be what is known as love at first sight. It may not be intuitive, but instead emotional yearning, the intense emotions of the heart. The greater one's ability to annihilate one's ego, the easier and quicker you will find your soul mate. But be careful; you may get what you wished for. Everyone gets the marriage they deserve. — Single File Blog

DEAR BLOGGER: As it should be. Trouble is, marriage can happen too soon, before man and wife know themselves, much less each other — which is the real reason for the fallout decimating too many families in this country. Many of us simply think we know it all — or (worse) delegate the "knowing" to the flesh. And so, the wheel turns us to cynics, convinced that marriage is an impossible dream, when the true culprit is our own unformed, unready-for-prime-time self. Even so, what do we do with all the yearning? Funnel it into our work life, experts chant. But when those late-night thoughts come prowling, sleep is the last visitor we want, unwelcome and unsought. Better to dream than not to dream.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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