DEAR SUSAN: You need to write a column on effort versus reward, as well as want versus need. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: You're on! In single life, when effort is linked to reward, the mind quite naturally slides into images of the first date, which these days is often blind, and the multitudinous hours and dollars consumed in service of that blessed (and not-so-blessed) event. Oh, the sweaty palms and racing pulse that appear soon after the date is definite and persist right up until the doorbell rings and Mr. Not-So-Wonderful is there in the flesh. Men may have the equivalent preparation, but being female, I know viscerally the hours leading up to zero hour. I'm not privy to what the single male goes through beforehand, but I do know (only too well) how we lasses rev up inner tension as soon as the coming event is certain enough to be on our calendar. Exciting, yes. Fun — well, not exactly. If only we could live it all again, the hours (and dollars) consumed perfecting ourselves for this yet-to-be-seen Adonis. Our blouse must be the right shade of pink — men do love pink — to go with those new tights. (No eating tomorrow, so they'll slip on without the usual tussle.) And Saturday has to be hair day! Not looking forward to those tense minutes under the dryer praying the comb-out will be what we saw in the magazine. We wonder whether he'll look the way he does in his profile photo, what we'll talk about. Oh, those darn sweaty palms. Well, tomorrow it is. Wish us luck.

The upshot of most of these dates? Not exactly pretty: She, certain he'll jump on her bones, isn't hearing any conversation he feebly tries to start. He, puzzled by her distance, makes a few stabs to open dialogue, but soon it's time for dessert and going home. She is exhausted from nonstop apprehension and says good night through a slammed door. He was going to ask to see her again, but the door shuts too soon. And so two perfectly nice people slip into their beds, puzzled by their effort that yielded so little.

But there is a new way of dating, a more natural and less posed grouping of like-minded friends. Could there be a healthier start to a relationship? And it has come from — predictably — the youngest among us. It makes such sense, to meet and find common ground in a group setting where there's little social pressure and friendliness is the common denominator. (Sigh.) Now if only our first-date couple could retry their mutual letdown.

I'll tackle want versus need in my next column.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

Photo credit: Play Among Friends Paf