DEAR SUSAN: An avid reader of "Single File," I have had the urge many times to respond to a reader's letter or to comments you made about a reader's problem. Today I must respond to your thoughts on partnership. As a single woman who is 42 years old, I am devastated that my chances of marrying are about 1 percent. In fact, your column made clear what I've been feeling lately — that my chances of meeting someone decent and honest are very slim. I no longer look for a man who is financially established. Now I only look for one who is honest, decent and caring with an OK job.

Armed with those criteria, I venture out looking to meet that man, but I've had no luck at all. I've tried blind dates, personals, online dating services, introductions by family members and friends, and involvement in activities, but I always come up with men who keep a running list (my opinion), are just "passing through" or aren't honest.

I'm at that point where I think I should give up the search and accept singlehood as my life partner. I'm not looking for a man to provide for me; I've already done that. (I own a house, own a car and have a very good career.) All I need is a male partner alongside to share the good and bad times with, to laugh and cry with, and most of all to mutually share love and respect with. And really, I don't think I'm asking too much. Therefore, I will probably be one of the 37 million unmarried women in America. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Numbers don't lie. But they do change, and at times, they contradict themselves. (If you've ever had a go at completing a tax return with or without the help of a tax expert, you know this is so very true.) And the truth is that one good man can change everything from your mood to your future. But until you meet him, there's a lot of life passing by that won't come again. I kid you not. Jane one-note is a boring person, so locked into the Marriage Mile that her mind shuts off at the mention of any topic that doesn't speak of a man, a mate and a mantra guaranteed to get you a husband.

Let's stop making a manhunt the central purpose of your life, the reason you get up in the morning. Instead, let's you and I venture into the world beyond your cellphone and start living life! It is yours, you know, and the central figure is — who else — you, madam. To whet your appetite for a fuller life, I propose a week (or two) without a date, a plan to capture one or a chat that centers on a man. If that sounds radical, it's because it is indeed daring to eschew dating entirely. But you can do it; I'm counting on that.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall to hear what happens, but the next best thing is to hear from you. Tell me how things are going, how stress-free life is and how much you are lapping up your vacation from all thoughts male. Take the Deitz Dare and know that I adore all of you.

DEAR SUSAN: I've been enjoying my singlehood in the exact fashion you mentioned in a recent column, and I have to say that right now, I'm feeling very content. I'm enjoying my alone time to do things I haven't done in a long time! I've been single since last fall, when my fiance and I broke up, and I've felt like a new woman ever since. I haven't decided yet to date. In the single world, I'm considered old (at 40), but I don't care. Maybe because I look 10 years younger, I'm being hit on by many more men than ever — younger and older, most from my office or people I meet in the course of doing business. It's really weird! I look more mainstream than I did when I was in my 20s. I'm not so pretty as I was then, but I'm surer of myself. One of my biggest fears was being alone, which made me marry the wrong man in my 20s — and stay with another man off and on for nine years, for reasons too complex to go into here.

Anyway, I want you to know I enjoy reading "Single File" immensely. You have a keen understanding of what it's like to be single in such a coupled world. Thank you for such a worthwhile column. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: At 40, you have come of age. You've become a love magnet, not because of your looks but because of the inside stuff — confidence, sureness of who you are in a world that needs constant buttressing. Instinct led you to sever an engagement that didn't quite measure up and begin to savor a new life built by (and around) the confident woman you've grown into. Funny thing about sureness, it shows in the face, in the posture, in the general bearing — the way you carry yourself. There's no way to fake it (at least for very long); insecurity has a way of revealing itself at the most inconvenient times. And the only way to gain confidence is the long way around — living through one experience after another, thinking about the lessons that each experience brings. "Live and learn" isn't an idle expression; it's absolutely true, the only way to learn life's teachings — from the inside out, you might say. A deep bow to you, fair lady.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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