DEAR SUSAN: I often think that people who get wrapped up in their feelings for someone who doesn't return them (and obviously will never return them) are, at bottom, terrified of love, because this way they won't have to expose their feelings. Instead, they can fantasize about the feelings they have for the person who isn't the least bit interested. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Yes, they're playing it safe. No risk. But no gain, either. If that nowhere life continues, eventually their emotions will harden and atrophy and shrink into nothingness. We've all seen people like that — no facial expression, no glint in the eyes, not a trace of a smile on the lips. They've become automatons. Far better, it seems to this blond head, to risk some pain, to face the fears. They aren't terminal; they can't inflict more pain than one allows. And the best part? You've allowed your feelings to come back in, to be welcomed back to your heart.

If your words hit home for people reading, they should know that love is the crowning glory of a life, for sure. I ask such people: Why deprive yourself of its joy? You say you're terrified of being refused, of being hurt? Well, let's think this through together, here and now.

OK, so you're hurt. You really like this person, and he or she couldn't care less about you and your feelings. Well, that's not great, feeling small and unappreciated. Life threw you a zinger. You're down — but not out! Take it from one who knows: Each time you get up from a life-zinger, you're a stronger person, better-equipped to handle the next zinger — and there will be others. And the great thing is that you're losing the old fears that have kept you from risking love. Small loss, big gain.

DEAR SUSAN: It could be a mistake to use official statistics to determine the number of singles in a given population, because many governmental institutions only consider official marriages as not single. In other words, people who've been living in common-law relationships for decades are (in some statistical reports) reported as "single." — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: How right you are! Research for my second book brought me to the census sheets again and again, and the frustration of multiple and contradictory statistics made those visits not exactly eagerly anticipated. Single, in census-speak, can encompass more than a few lifestyles. Which is why I find myself super-cautious when quoting Census Bureau numbers and percentages. Clearly, the bureau hasn't kept pace with the migrations within our own country, from married to coupled and all the permutations between. Thanks for the insight — and the effort to share it.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

Photo credit: Pedro Ribeiro Simões