DEAR SUSAN: About the man you dated who kept a thick rubber band around his wallet, it dates back to an old law enforcement trick. It makes picking the wallet from a pocket much more difficult, if not impossible. But being someone who secures his money tightly, I am usually the first to grab a check, never hesitate to pay, always pay for a date (despite some very nice women who have offered to pay) and have never been called stingy. When I was married, I was one of the men who turned their paychecks over to their wives because I trusted my wife's participation in our marriage. Our divorce was not (primarily) about money but about work. It was amicable, and we are still amicable. So, Susan, please don't judge everyone with a rubber band around his wallet by one stingy guy. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Thanks for reminding me to keep away from stereotyping, but this man's wallet was so tightly bound — and so seldom opened — that a moth flew out (an exaggeration but pretty close to the truth). He was so tight and so controlling that when he put his arm around me, it felt like a vise. He told me that he had ripped up his wife's will when she died because all her money had come from him. (This, from the mouth of an attorney!) Another gem: At a Sunday brunch when he was first meeting my brother, he was so starved for something to say that he started to read from a card pulled from his wallet (yes, the same one that housed a moth). So it takes more negatives than a rubber- banded wallet for this columnist to turn thumbs down. This man was as stingy with his love and kindness as he was with the contents of his rubber-banded wallet. There are many more examples of his undesirability, but you get the point.

DEAR SUSAN: The blogger who said that all the good women are taken is the male version of those women who constantly complain that "the good ones are already married or gay." With such a woman, when you point out a good man who isn't either, she'll mumble something about his being too short, too tall, too bald, too fat, too thin or not rich enough.

The truth is that these people don't really want a partner; they'd rather play the long-suffering martyr. And even if they met someone with romantic potential, it's a good bet they'd soon find some reason to push the person away. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: So, there are "martyrs" on both sides of the gender gap. Just be sure you're not one of them, friend. And the way to know for certain that you're not running from potential partners is to keep a running check on your reactions. Not weekly or daily but hourly. Yep. While you're moseying around your personal world — office, home, laundromat — listen to yourself. Listen to your private thoughts, fearful thoughts, negative thoughts. They are your very private world, dictating your reaction to every stimulus you come across. Your facial expressions, your gut-tightening fears, the heart-pulsing moment you meet someone nice. (Doesn't happen often, but when it does, you want to be prepared with a smiling, friendly facial expression. Nothing beats an upbeat first impression.) Monitoring your thoughts as you go about your day is the cure for martyrdom. If you want to be loved, think lovable! That says it all.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

Photo credit: Franklin Heijnen