DEAR SUSAN: I've become friends with several past loves. In each case, though, we really had to completely separate before the new relationship was possible. I'm pretty sure it was at least six months without any contact before we would speak or "run into each other." And then the subsequent contact had to be something like saying, "How are you?" We definitely couldn't say, "Any chance we could get back together?" (If the other person says he or she is seeing someone, your response should be, "You are a great person and deserve to have someone in your life." It should not be, "Well, I'm seeing this billionaire movie star, and I'm quite sure we're going to get married.") My point? Being completely honest with yourself about your motives will tell you whether it's truly possible for you to be just a friend after you've been much more than that. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Honest or not, moving from lover to buddy takes a strong mind and a delicate touch. Frankly, I hope it's not in your future; it is (sigh) a very painful part of my past. The truth is that knowing the object of your desire is now exciting another's libido is a bitter pill to swallow — and even when you are able to sublimate that fact during daylight hours, it has a nasty habit of finding you under the covers in the wee morning hours and flaunting its painful truth for what feels like a lifetime. Your suggested etiquette, though, may be useful as a format to be followed — if only to mask the pain for a little while.

DEAR SUSAN: I totally agree that a good marriage is between friends. I often say that my husband is my "favorite person in the world." Really, a true friendship can help work through any challenges you may face as a couple. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Someday we humans will have evolved to the point where we consider "liking" to be the very pinnacle of emotional closeness. As I see it, the word has so much depth, so many possibilities unexplored (but somehow sensed), different nuances to be explored. Not so today, when it's accepted as a pallid runner-up to the "real thing." Listen up, everyone: Liking outlives loving every time. The ideal, of course, is to marry your best friend. But then, how many of us are so privileged?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

Photo credit: Alexander Mueller