Dear John: I am in a long-distance relationship and it works for us. We have a great time when we're together, and we're compatible on most levels, particularly when it comes to the bedroom. I'm 41 and divorced with three children, who are 9, 12 and 14. He is 44, never married and without any children. He has shared with me his desire for a long-term relationship and that he's not totally content being a "bachelor."

The major problem I've encountered is that he avoids conflict at all cost. I recently expressed that I was "hurt" when he planned a minivacation by himself and didn't ask me to go. This discussion resulted in us not seeing each other for three weeks. I am just now getting him to open up to me. He admits his tendency to avoid conflict, revealing that in the past, whenever conflict would arise, he would simply break up with the other person. I can't believe he feels two people can have a relationship with no conflict. I explained to him how issues that need discussing will always arise and that no one is perfect. He says he's willing to try to work on this because he values what we have together. — Guidance Appreciated, in Providence, R.I.

Dear Appreciated: For whatever reason, your boyfriend does not have a positive image of long-term relationships. Quite often, this is a pattern you will see in people who were raised with parents in troubled relationships. All couples argue, but not all of them are willing to get past these difficulties. It is quite possible that during his earliest years, when he was his most impressionable, his parents were one such couple.

Conflict for him, therefore, becomes the stopping point of a relationship rather than an issue two people can work on, resolve and move on from. In a certain sense, you could compare his reaction to a recurring nightmare in which all is well until he comes across this inevitable dark place and does not know how to escape. This might go a long way explaining why your guy is 44 and never married. He can overcome this pattern, but he will need your love and patience, and perhaps some joint counseling in the future. The good news is, I suspect, that he would like this relationship to succeed. With your patience and persistence, that just might happen.

Dear John: The guy I'm dating just told me I can't sleep over during the week. His reason is that he doesn't sleep well when I am over and that bothers him at work the next day. Is he lying? My ex-boyfriend said the same thing, and three weeks later, he broke up with me. Is this relationship doomed as well? — Worried, in Jackson, Miss.

Dear Worried: These are two different men. Just because the first one said the same thing before breaking up with you doesn't mean that the second one will call it off, too.

Don't assume your new boyfriend is doing anything other than asking for a good night's sleep. I agree with you that the ability to cuddle and stay the night can be an important component in the long-term viability of a relationship. However, if one partner tosses and turns, snores, has restless leg syndrome or other issues, you don't necessarily have to sleep in the same room.

You may not be aware of your own nocturnal habits. Ask him honestly if this might in fact be the issue. If so, then talk to your doctor about a possible solution or ask her to recommend a sleep specialist. Remember, sleeping together is only one aspect of your relationship. What happens when the two of you are awake is much more important to the success of your love.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.