Unappreciative Daughter-In-Law Won't Budge

Dear John: My new daughter-in-law "Jackie" has me very upset! I had asked her if I could throw my son "Nick" a surprise birthday party — something he has never had, and she has never had an interest in planning. Jackie gave her tacit approval.

Since then, I've enjoyed making the arrangements needed in time for the event. Now that the invitations are about to go out, Jackie claims she had never said "yes" to this plan because she didn't want us to be "too stressed out." She also says she had planned on taking Nick on a romantic getaway for his birthday, and that she's already booked the room. What should I do now? — Disappointed Mom, in Livingston, N.J.

Dear Mom: What Jackie is doing is rude. Even if there had been a miscommunication, upon hearing your plans, it would have been more gracious of her to thank you for all your hard work and tell you how much she loves and appreciates everything you're doing on Nick's behalf.

If you want to press the point, let her know this planning has not been stressful at all, and that you look forward to giving the party. You can also point out that one plan does not preclude the other: She could present the trip as a present at the party. Most hotels will move a reservation with advanced notice. Perhaps they could go the next day or the following weekend. If she won't bend on the issue, shrug it off. Perhaps she will help alleviate the stress of calling off the party by helping you make the cancellations.

Hopefully, this won't be the first of many such miscommunications. To get things back on track, invite her to brunch, just the two of you. Let your courteous and respectful behavior set the tone for your future relationship.

Dear John: I have been divorced for seven years. Since I started dating again about three years ago, I've somehow become a "Mr. Wrong" magnet. One guy was bipolar and didn't tell me until six months into the relationship. It took me another six months of therapy to finally get over him. The next guy was going through a divorce and didn't disclose this until three months into the relationship. I am still hoping for a chance with him, but I know better than to wait for something that may never happen. — On a Losing Streak, in Louisville, Ky.

Dear Losing Streak: God gave us eyes and ears so that when you're dating, you can discern the viability of potential mates. For example, if a guy is giving you mixed signals, as I'm sure your bipolar boyfriend must have been, you should have taken these as indicators that there would be trouble down the road. That being said, after recognizing or acknowledging his issues, it should not have taken you another six months to get over him. You should have realized other available men exist and moving on would not be that hard.

As for the married guy, there must have been numerous telltale clues. What did you think when you couldn't call him at his home, or visit him there? Instead of hoping that things with him might change, start seeking change in yourself. Don't overlook the obvious, justify questionable issues or assume that you have to settle for a less-than-satisfying relationship, because you don't. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll recognize "Mr. Right" when you see — and hear — him.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email at: www.marsvenusliving.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.