Dear John: It bothers me that my boyfriend, "Austin," is having trouble finishing up his undergraduate degree. I don't care as much about the diploma as I do his lack of energy in finishing what he has already started. I know Austin is highly intelligent, and he entered college on his own free will. I don't want to nag him, but since I am a few years older and have received my degree, I feel like I should be helping him to obtain his. I also believe he should be able to provide for himself equally if he is to be my life partner. I'm afraid that these signs of irresponsibility and laziness may continue. How do I approach him without seeming pushy and patronizing? — College Counts, in Columbia, S.C.

Dear College Counts: While a college degree may provide the key to success for some people, for others, it is not necessarily the doorway to their futures. Thousands of people have made significant accomplishments to our world without a college degree. This may be the case with Austin.

Whether he wants to finish school is his decision alone. Don't feel that you'll be able to change or improve him. To love someone is to accept who he is. It is in the dating stage that we find out whether someone is right for us for the long run. If you are troubled by what you see today, don't reinvent the man you have; go out and find the man you really seek.

Dear John: I'm always puzzled when my husband does little if anything around the house to help with simple chores like cleaning up after dinner. We both work, and we're both tired by the time we get home. But he seems to regularly zone out in front of the TV and leaves the household work to me. — Both Breadwinner and Housekeeper, in Santa Monica, Calif.

Dear Both: Many things women do naturally — taking on chores without being asked, buying little gifts, giving compliments — do not come naturally to many men. Most often, these men were raised in households where their fathers probably demonstrated this same kind of behavior.

Such men may need a little encouragement. We all want to be recognized for our good deeds, and we respond to recognition with the resolve to perform other generous acts. A woman can motivate a man to take on these attributes by rewarding him with the same kind words and actions she would expect.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.