Dear John: My husband of 28 years is 57, and I am 50. I believe that "Carl" is going through a male version of a change of life. His testosterone level has plummeted, while my sex drive is accelerating. Recently, he reduced his work schedule to only 20 hours a week. He appears to be mentally and emotionally well, and is enjoying his newfound time off. However, Carl has no desire to have sex more than once a month. He doesn't even like to discuss the problem and refuses to seek help or take any medication. In fact, his solution is for me to get off my estrogen pills so I am not always "oversexed," and let nature take its course with our libidos. We have always had an exciting, very fulfilling sex life, and I am not ready to give that up. Maybe at 9 but not at 50! — Needing Intimacy, in Costa Mesa, Calif.

Dear Needing: You are right to feel that you should not be relegated to separate sides of the bed because you're both of a certain age. A healthy sex life is not only good for a happy marriage; it is also important for a healthy life. As you already suspect, Carl's problem could be physical, emotional or both. In any case, his sex drive won't change if he is unwilling to address the issue with you, a doctor or therapist. Implore him to do so.

Let him know that this is indeed affecting how you feel about your relationship, and that you are also open to the idea of reviewing with your physician your current use of estrogen. This may be what it takes to get him off the couch and into the doctor's office.

Dear John: I've had a dating relationship with "Jack" for almost five years and just found out that he married someone else earlier this year! And yet, he's still sleeping with me! What's up with that? — Outraged, in Sandy Springs, Ga.

Dear Outraged: The two of you may be sleeping together, but you certainly aren't doing much in the way of honest communication. The bad news: Both you and his wife are involved with the wrong guy. The good news: At least one of you is aware of his deceptive behavior, and you don't have to go through the hassle of a divorce to get rid of him. All you have to do right now is lock your front door.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write to John in care of this newspaper or by email by going to www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous and will be paraphrased. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.