If we can't chant it, we don't want it.

Doesn't rhyme. Doesn't have to. It's too long anyway.

Like "Yankees Suck" or "Sieg Heil," what you want in a chant is brevity. If possible, two words, maybe three words.

"Couldn't arrest him because he's a sitting president," can't be chanted, so it's no good.

"Lock her up!" Now, there's a chant. It's short, action-y, muscular and can apply to any "her" at any time.

"Build the wall!" That's another rousing, simpleminded chant. You can remember it when you're drunk. You can remember it 20 minutes after the rally. You can remember it when that kinda Mexican-looking waitress is a little slow with another bowl of salsa.

"Send them back!" Perfect chant. It's three words, and it applies to all kinds of foreigners and illegal immigrants, even the ones born here.

"High crimes and misdemeanors" is a terrible chant. Four words and the last word has soooo many letters. Words with too many letters are bad. "Kill" is a helluva word, and "beat" and "bite" and "burn." Short words. Punchy words. Ugly words. "Ugly" is a helluva word, and so is "dead."

Ugly.

Beat.

Bite.

Burn.

Kill.

Dead.

A short poem for America.

"Investigation." Long word. It sucks. "Compassion." Long word. Burn it.

Burn all the long words and every complex thought. Get it down to the knife-edge. "Stab" is a helluva word. "Stab 'em all!" See?

"Kill 'em all!" is even better.

"Make America Great Again" is too long, which is why no one chants it. They put it on hats, but if you check the hat to see what you should chant, you might read the inside of the hat instead of the outside, and you'd chant, "Made in China." You can't chant "MAGA," either. Sounds foreign. Yiddish maybe. That's no good, and it's getting less good every day.

"No collusion."

"No obstruction."

Long words in those two, but you're quoting witch hunters, so it's fine. Biting and beating and killing and burning them with their own words, a parade of small words to a mass grave.

Robert Mueller, former director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, went before the American Congress with a scar on his thigh from where he'd been shot in Vietnam, and he had 448 pages of dry, nonchantable words, and thus failed to entertain the press or the public enough to make his point.

And he sounded like a lawyer, and he didn't hug the flag, and I bet his wife's not that hot, and he married her in 1966, and there are no naked pictures of her anywhere.

And he could not find that three-word chant that would have put it over, the one you could remember when you were drunk. Government by chant requires the shortening of the message, the beating down of doubt with repetition. Mueller, a bureaucrat of justice, couldn't adapt

Poor guy never had a chants.

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, too long to chant, is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, iBooks, Kindle and GooglePlay.

Photo credit: tookapic at Pixabay