Dear Jenny: I was recently "roasted" by people whom I thought of as close, loving family. The topic? My choices and abilities as a mother. Please understand my kids are not in harm's way and are neither malnourished nor misbehaved. I always thought there was some sort of "mom code," which all moms secretly knew about, where you don't put your two cents in unless asked. I thought that moms weren't supposed to be hard on other moms, since we are all just doing the best we can (even if someone else doesn't agree). I guess I was wrong. How do you handle these situations? — Angela, in Batavia, Illinois

Jenny says: As you may or may not know, some of my choices for my son have been publicly scrutinized. I've had my judgment questioned, been looked down on and flat out challenged by mothers, grandmothers and even childless friends. Unfortunately, people do judge. Some will be quite vocal about their opinions, while others will bite their tongues. I understand it is painful dealing with critical family and friends, but in the end, you know your children best. I've learned the "eye of judgment" follows moms everywhere, and even the best parents are criticized.

Raising a child is difficult, and there are so many pressures put on mothers today. We have so many resources — from prenatal classes and thousands of child-rearing books to educational and medical websites — that we expect perfection from ourselves and everyone else. The reality is that there are so many different belief systems and upbringings that there is no possible way we will all agree on everything. But we can look at every situation through the eyes of the other parent. I agree with you and believe most mothers are doing the best they can. I have learned criticizers project their own insecurities, negativity and fears onto others. I've also learned it's more important to do what I believe is best for me and my son, despite what other people think.

I know firsthand how difficult it is to hear hateful comments, which is why I refuse to be a hater. I listen when others have differing opinions and ask them to please share their thoughts kindly. We all have something valuable to bring to the conversation when it comes to raising children. When I'm around people who don't respectfully share their ideas with me, I walk away or bring the conversation to a close. Continue to foster a sense of self-awareness and positivity within yourself. Having that confidence and inner peace will help you remain happy when others try to bring you down with their negativity. Good luck and stay strong!

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