Q: Two years ago, our only son married a woman with a son of her own. He had never been married before but was happy to join their family.
Our daughter-in-law recently changed jobs and has very different hours that make the workweek more difficult. They have asked us to pitch in a bit and watch him occasionally.
He's entering his teenage years, and we don't know how to be step-grandparents. When he stays with us, it's difficult to connect. He doesn't seem to want to talk and usually ends up in front of the television.
How can we feel more like family instead of day care?
A: The best way to stop feeling like day care is to work on finding common ground.
Just like with parenting, becoming grandparents doesn't come naturally and takes some effort. Forming a connection will take time.
Figure out what he's interested in and find a way to talk about it.
Adolescence is rough. Ask your son and daughter-in-law how he behaves at home. Is his behavior specifically about you, or is he just going through an unsociable phase? If so, be patient and don't take it too personally.
Adjusting to a new stepfamily exacerbates many of the typical problems of adolescence. It's easy for stepchildren to feel uncomfortable and uncertain about these new relationships, especially if they don't know you well.
As the adult, you have the responsibility of taking the first step. Above all, be welcoming and put on your best face. Ask him questions and find out what he has to say.
One good thing about being a grandparent instead of a parent is that you can be fun and not worry as much about discipline. Keep a couple of fun treats around the house and think of some activities you can do together. One idea is to teach him some family recipes.
Feel free to leave the house — sometimes changing location can bring you out of a rut. And avoiding the TV can break the negative habit you have of retreating into your separate corners.
Welcome to the grandparents' club! — Doug
HEALTH HABITS
Q: I've always liked health trends. I've tried many different diets and exercise fads but never really stuck with one. I exercise in concentrated periods but have long periods of inactivity.
Now that I'm getting older, I'm more and more concerned about my health. I haven't had any major problems yet, but prevention is better than emergency problem-solving.
If I could take up one habit, what would you suggest?
A: Start small.
Don't be concerned about seeing immediate change. You aren't making high-stakes bets but instead making a long-term investment in your health.
There are many habits that can be beneficial to your health. The important thing is to commit to one and keep doing it. Consistency is key.
Eventually, your new behavior will stop feeling like a chore and become natural. That's when you can add on more habits.
One suggestion is to just get out there and walk. Walking for 30 minutes a day is better for you than training for a race for two months but doing nothing the rest of the year. Getting a little exercise is associated with dramatic health benefits, especially lowering your risk of stroke and heart failure.
Get out there and move! — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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