Q: When I was growing up, my dream was to find a loving husband and start my own family. I was lucky to find a wonderful man and have two children with him, and we had a fulfilling life together.

Now, my husband has passed and our children are raising their own families in other cities. Although we love each other, they have neither the time nor the finances to visit me often. Without my family, I feel like I'm losing my sense of who I am.

Do you have any ideas to get me out of this rut?

A: Hopefully so. Many families are jolted when they lose one of their loved ones, and major life changes make us reconsider our own lives.

You are in a new phase of your life, and you need to accept that you are not able to return to the past. You have had a successful life with a lot of love, but now you must develop a new set of expectations. As your children are trying to create their own lives, you can't rely on them for a sense of self.

Instead of lamenting the changes, move forward!

It's important to seek fulfillment in life, but don't stress. While you are thinking about the future, focus on a couple of goals for the next months or year. You're lucky to have time to explore new things! Wake up and keep yourself busy.

Find things that give you joy and make your life better. Finding fulfillment is all about your attitude: Stay positive and look for the brighter side of life. Look for positives and you will find them.

FACELIFT

Q: I turned 73 this year and I still feel young. Unfortunately, younger people don't seem to think so! I feel like I'm becoming invisible.

I've never had plastic surgery, but a friend recently got a facelift and is loving it. According to her, it's one of the best choices she's ever made. I'm now seriously considering getting one of my own.

Is that too vain?

A: That's up to you to decide. We are living in a very different era, where more generations of people are living simultaneously than ever before. Longer life expectancy is changing our attitudes toward aging.

More and more people over age 65 are getting plastic surgery than ever. Although plastic surgery is a divisive topic, it's increasingly common.

Outside judgment notwithstanding, you need to weigh the pros and cons yourself. Consider your health and surgery risks, the invasiveness of the surgery and the possibility that you might not like the result. How does the benefit measure up?

Finally, be honest with yourself about your finances. Although plastic surgery is less expensive than before, it can be pricey, and this is a vanity procedure. Is surgery a comfortable expenditure for you?

Think rationally, not emotionally. Is plastic surgery worth it for you?

Whatever you decide, be happy about it! Your attitude determines the quality of your life far more than your actions. — Emma

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com