Q: Soon we will become grandparents for the first time. We know our son and daughter-in-law are in the process of making plans for the arrival. We do not want to appear to be interfering. However, we would like to know if they need and want our help. We think they are hesitating asking for help out of the fear we would not like it, or maybe we're being too pushy or nosy.

The other grandparents live 1,300 miles away. How can we best express our attitude?

A: No doubt the new parents are busy preparing for the arrival of your grandchild. This is always an exciting and nervous time.

In some cases new parents misjudge how much effort, time and energy it requires to prepare for their baby. Help is always needed and accepted.

Invite the kids for dinner and have an informative and enjoyable meal, and then ask questions as to what their plans are. Tell them you are open to suggestions as to how you could help out, and what they might want or could use. Would they like a gift card for supplies?

If the other grandparents plan to come for the occasion and need a place to stay, do you have a spare bedroom available?

After the baby arrives it normally takes a month or two to work out a routine and regular schedule before things begin to settle down. Would you be on call and perhaps come over a couple of hours a week to relieve the new mom?

In the long run, love, caring and sharing are what makes for a happy and successful family relationship. Staying involved can be an important way to become a part of the process — as well as an opportunity to begin your photo album. It will always remain a highlight of your lives!

MARRIAGE TIME IS YOUR CHOICE

Q: My fiancee and I will graduate from college next June, and we plan to marry then. My wife-to-be will find employment quickly as she is receiving a nursing degree. I will need to find a job. I hope to become a lawyer, but first I will need to spend two or three years working and attending law school.

Both sets of our parents have expressed their opinions of when we should marry. They agree we should wait to marry until we have our budget managed, I find a job and we can handle our lives without becoming too stressed out. Should we follow their advice?

A: When couples find someone to love and who loves them back it is difficult to wait. If they wait too long there is always the possibility that other reasons pop up and the couple does not marry.

It appears your only decision is a question of timing. Who hasn't known a loving couple who chose not to marry and later regretted it? It is your call, not your families'!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.