Q: No one can out-depress my new neighbor! I have learned not to ask her how she is because she goes on and on about all the details of what's wrong with her life.
When she moved into the neighborhood, I invited her for dinner, went for coffee with her and even agreed to help her with some errands. She has never thanked me or returned the favor.
Now I try to avoid her because her attitude brings me down and her requests and demands are exhausting. She hasn't gotten the hint, as she drops by regularly to talk about her trials and tribulations.
I'm running out of excuses to avoid her. What can I do?
A: Some people are only happy when they can get attention from others, and they get satisfaction in finding others who will fill this need for them. It becomes their lifestyle.
These people believe that expressing their depression will bring them the attention they need and kindhearted souls who will enable them.
People who are perpetually negative know what they're doing and enjoy doing it. There's little you can do to change their attitude, as it's not really about you.
We only have so much time, energy and resources, and we need to use those in ways that work best for us. Helping others can be fulfilling, but your situation is unrewarding. You may want to spend your time in a more satisfactory way.
Sometimes the best way to help others is through tough love. Filling your neighbor's need for attention will allow her to continue to drain your energy, and you will feel burned out.
Instead of avoiding your neighbor, be direct. Kindly tell her that you prefer to spend your time with people that choose positivity, as that's what's best for you.
Then the ball's in her court: Either she lightens up or you spend less time together. — Doug
TOO MUCH SLEEP?
Q: As I'm getting older, my sleep patterns have changed dramatically. I don't really get going until about 10 a.m., while other residents of my retirement community get up at 5 or 6 a.m. to walk their dogs or exercise. I need a full eight hours to feel functional.
Should I be worried?
A: No. The average person in his 60s needs about seven hours of sleep, but that is just an average. There's a lot of room for variation.
The important thing is to listen to your body. You can survive on less sleep than you need for a few days, but you'll start to feel like you're running on fumes.
Consider the reasons you need more sleep. Is your sleep restful? There may be some ways to make improve.
Don't drink anything (including alcohol) within a few hours of bedtime. Keep your bedroom dark. Avoid napping during the day. If you have pets, give them a separate bed.
Don't be too concerned about the ways you differ from your neighbors. Who knows if they're taking regular afternoon naps. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter
Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
View Comments