Q: Last week at our clubhouse we overheard two couples having a serious discussion about writing their ethical wills. We are not familiar with ethical wills. We have both drawn up and signed our last wills and testament and trusts. Do we also need ethical wills?

A: An ethical will, or a legacy letter, is optional. It is not a legal document, but rather a way to share your values, life lessons, thoughts and wishes with your family and friends. Usually they are positive and express hope and happiness. They are written to let your loved ones know how you love and appreciate their care.

Ethical wills can be written for one's own catharsis, to let children and grandchildren learn how much they are loved, to tell them why you distributed their inheritances as you did or to express your religious or personal values. Sometimes it is easier to do this on paper rather than verbally.

However, some ethical wills are nasty and vindictive, and the writers takes the opportunity to reveal their true feelings — perhaps regarding something that happened in the family that they previously chose not to go to war over. Often, they express anger, jealousy or resentment and discuss unresolved issues.

If you have not written an ethical will I recommend you do so. You can write it now and change it over time if you so desire. Expressing your feelings in writing is worth your time and effort, for it will serve as a written reminder of your family's love and happiness. — Doug

DISCUSS HEALTH

Q: My beloved husband of 45 years recently went to the hospital with a health scare, and now I'm very concerned for his health. He has known that he's diabetic for a long time, but to me it doesn't seem like he makes any effort to take care of himself. I want him to be with me for as long as possible, so I'm looking for ways that I can change his outlook toward his diet and exercise.

What do you suggest I do?

A: The best way to help people mind their health can be extremely subjective, so it's necessary to figure out the root of the problem. The best thing you can do is talk to your husband about things he can do so he can succeed in self-care. If he has been attempting to make changes, but has been unsuccessful, try to find ways you can make it easier for him. For example, you could change the type of food readily available in your home and go on walks together.

If he doesn't seem to realize the severity of the problem, remind him of all the people who love him and what could result from poor choices. Involve other people in his life in your efforts, but remember that he could feel bullied.

Ultimately, you can't force anybody to change, but the best thing you can do is support your husband to make his own healthy decisions. Open a discussion about the best ways you can help him help himself. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at deardoug@msn.com. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.